the same old
So I've been home a few days now... Being home is rough. I am trying to stay positive, but find that it's hard. No friends to see. Nothing to do. Well, there's plenty of organizing and cleaning that could be done. i guess I could do that. I guess I should say there hasn't been anything fun to do. And the fiance leaves town for work early Monday. I'll be alone for a few days. I'm not thrilled at the prospect. I am going to have to find things to do while he's gone.
I wonder (sometimes) what's wrong with me. People would kill to be home from work and have free time to do whatever they want. Why can't I seem to see the things I thought I would want to do if I had the time? I remember working so much I barely had time to eat or sleep and wishing desperately for some time off. And here I am. I feel like I'm just complaining with no good reason.
I've always worked too much and now that there isn't work, I am constantly trying to figure out what to do while the holidays pass and there isn't work to go around until the New Year. I guess I feel like unless it's work or productive, I'm not doing anything worthwhile and feel guilty.
If I look through my journal entries, I know that a recurring issue is finding something to do that will help me rebalance my life. That will help me keep from getting depressed or staying there. Why is this so hard?
I wonder (sometimes) what's wrong with me. People would kill to be home from work and have free time to do whatever they want. Why can't I seem to see the things I thought I would want to do if I had the time? I remember working so much I barely had time to eat or sleep and wishing desperately for some time off. And here I am. I feel like I'm just complaining with no good reason.
I've always worked too much and now that there isn't work, I am constantly trying to figure out what to do while the holidays pass and there isn't work to go around until the New Year. I guess I feel like unless it's work or productive, I'm not doing anything worthwhile and feel guilty.
If I look through my journal entries, I know that a recurring issue is finding something to do that will help me rebalance my life. That will help me keep from getting depressed or staying there. Why is this so hard?
Replies
I once was told by a therapist that people who suffer with depression base their value on what they do or what they have done. It\'s like we can never do enough. Before I became ill and forced into retirement, I found myself feeling the same way. I was always trying to fill the deep hole I felt in my stomach. I too, now have more time than ever before, but I am not physically capable to do as I once did or thought and hoped to do when my retirement days would come. Do you think you might be up for a little volunteer work? Maybe you could volunteer at a hospital a few hours a week or maybe even at a school. They are always looking for volunteers to help out in the library, on the playground, lunchroom, etc. Let me know what you think. You can control where and when which may get you prepared for the part time or full time job you are going for in the near future.
Good luck
Shara - Thanks so much for your feedback and thoughts. It helps to know that it\'s not just me. I feel like I\'m spinning my wheels and yes, I definitely base my sense of worth on what I\'ve done or what I\'m doing. It\'s no wonder the depression is the worst when I\'m not doing anything. To be fair, a few weeks ago, I still wasn\'t up to doing much of anything, so I guess it\'s more accurate to say, the it makes sense that the depression seems to have lifted some since I felt well enough to get up and do some things. My therapist also recommended volunteering somewhere. I will look into it. It probably would be a good step toward getting back to work.
Thanks so much again!