The Return

I don't remember the last time I was on Daily Strength, but I know that it was a lifetime ago. As I write I have so many emotions running through my mind:  sadness, anger, guilt, hurt. Nothing really coming to mind for my first journal entry, just feelings and emotions...like the ebb and tide of ocean waves. I lost my dad almost three years ago, and on that day a part of me went with him. I miss him every day, and yet it hits me so violently sometimes. Crying alone is very, very common for me. There is so much that I do alone-mourn, yell, rant, curse, regret. My family is also broken, and I cannot fix it. It pains me that something that affected me this badly has no solution. I don't know what to feel anymore. I am my own worst enemy because I don't let myself forget all the pain, guilt, and sadness. No friends here yet. I still have Mom and my big brother next door to me. I live alone, as it really should be. I have a wonderful girlfriend to whom I just gave a promise ring. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up a week before Christmas 2018-six months after I lost my father. I had to put my cat of 14 years down just four weeks after losing Dad. My biggest regret-that I was not facing her as she left. I just remember seeing her beautiful green eyes still being open, and that just tears me apart. I hold so much in. That's all for now.