The Reminder
Whew, I was begining to wonder if things had stabilised and all was going to be good indefinitely. The past 3ish weeks have been good. I've avoided annoying h, I've managed to look after our sick daughter on little sleep and still work full time and do the chores at home, and been able to ensure I explain myself clearly to H and give him clear answers since one of my main problems according to him is that I don't listen and I dont explain things.
So with all the good going on, I started thinking ok, we're settled, this is all good, it was all in my mind, it was all me.
But during this time he has also been pointing out how I don't discipline our daughter and how she runs all over me and its now affecting him. Her behaviour is my fault and he will not be the main discipliner he says.
I work full time, I see her after I finish a long day at work, with enough time to eat dinner, bath her, story time and bed, before I clear the table, do the dishes and clean up the lounge and put away the clothes. Hubby whilst he looks after her during the day because he can't get a job, doesn't clean up, and usually does the washing and thats it. The rest of the time is playing with our 2yr old and watching tv.
I don't want to walk in the door each night and jump on her for her whining. Hubby says I need to get onto her to quit her whining and crying. At that time of day she is going to be like this. I try to keep her out the kitchen while he is cooking otherwise he gets too aggro if either of us are in there, but I also feel I need to be nearby so he can see I am paying him attention. Which I would rather spend time with our daughter since I can spend time with him watching his tv shows and him play his ps2 game after she goes to bed.
He tells me often I am a bad mother, I can't handle being in a relationship, I cant handle being a mum, I have no idea about being a parent, that when our daughter is old enough she will run away from me. Funny that because his adult kids from his previous marriage have nothing to do with him.
So last night eating dinner our daughter didn't want to eat and then she started crying with a mouth full of food. And he told me he was having to do my job of discipling her because I cant do it, and she was behaving like this because I hadnt been discipling her earlier. So shes crying and looking at me going "mama mama" and reaching out and I cant do nothing because I'm afraid of what H will do. And then she starts choking and then H gets aggro at us and then she throws up. He snaps and grabs her tray throwing it across the room at me, slams the kitchen trays on the grounds and tells me its my fault.
I'm freaking out and as normal I keep my distance from our daughter because I don't want her in the middle of what might or might not happen. He tells me yet again we are over and yet again how I have wasted his time because I am never going to change etc. He takes her outside so he can smoke and I'm left as usual to clean up the mess he makes.
He comes back in and then as usual states why its my fault. If I had been disciplining her earlier and been more substance in my tone it wouldn't have happened. I did ask maybe she threw up because she was sick as she has been sick during the week and wasn't keen on touching anything on her plate. No I'm wrong, she was trying us out and she knows she can walk all over me.
Well you know what H, this is the second time something like this has happened where you get at me for being too soft and she has actually been sick. Thats why I don't agree with you and I don't listen to you. But because you are controlling and threatening, I will always be seen to agree with you to avoid possible followup.
And yes I hear you H that if you have to smack her you will smack me too because its my fault if you have to smack her.
And I hate the fact that when i do try to tell her off shouting how you want me to, that then you are nicey pie to her and yet I have to remain distant when you tell her off. What is she making of all this. I hate how she gets upset when you are yelling at me or throwing things around and I can't cuddle her because I need to remain distant so I dont get him more upset.
And I will not get aggressive at her or use threatening behaviour like throwing things in front of her, or slamming doors because that is not appropriate (well not in my book). I pick and choose my battles with her over what is allowable and what isn't.
And I bet if H was working and he came home at the end of the day, he would not be telling her off. He would be making the most of his time with her. Or go to the garage and sit and smoke like he did do when she was first born and he had a job.
Today I am getting the silent treatment, the distant treatment and the snarky under the breath comments. And he calls me immature. I will be finishing late today because I don't want to go home and face him and be seen to be disciplining our daughter.
I can see a great weekend heading my way.
So with all the good going on, I started thinking ok, we're settled, this is all good, it was all in my mind, it was all me.
But during this time he has also been pointing out how I don't discipline our daughter and how she runs all over me and its now affecting him. Her behaviour is my fault and he will not be the main discipliner he says.
I work full time, I see her after I finish a long day at work, with enough time to eat dinner, bath her, story time and bed, before I clear the table, do the dishes and clean up the lounge and put away the clothes. Hubby whilst he looks after her during the day because he can't get a job, doesn't clean up, and usually does the washing and thats it. The rest of the time is playing with our 2yr old and watching tv.
I don't want to walk in the door each night and jump on her for her whining. Hubby says I need to get onto her to quit her whining and crying. At that time of day she is going to be like this. I try to keep her out the kitchen while he is cooking otherwise he gets too aggro if either of us are in there, but I also feel I need to be nearby so he can see I am paying him attention. Which I would rather spend time with our daughter since I can spend time with him watching his tv shows and him play his ps2 game after she goes to bed.
He tells me often I am a bad mother, I can't handle being in a relationship, I cant handle being a mum, I have no idea about being a parent, that when our daughter is old enough she will run away from me. Funny that because his adult kids from his previous marriage have nothing to do with him.
So last night eating dinner our daughter didn't want to eat and then she started crying with a mouth full of food. And he told me he was having to do my job of discipling her because I cant do it, and she was behaving like this because I hadnt been discipling her earlier. So shes crying and looking at me going "mama mama" and reaching out and I cant do nothing because I'm afraid of what H will do. And then she starts choking and then H gets aggro at us and then she throws up. He snaps and grabs her tray throwing it across the room at me, slams the kitchen trays on the grounds and tells me its my fault.
I'm freaking out and as normal I keep my distance from our daughter because I don't want her in the middle of what might or might not happen. He tells me yet again we are over and yet again how I have wasted his time because I am never going to change etc. He takes her outside so he can smoke and I'm left as usual to clean up the mess he makes.
He comes back in and then as usual states why its my fault. If I had been disciplining her earlier and been more substance in my tone it wouldn't have happened. I did ask maybe she threw up because she was sick as she has been sick during the week and wasn't keen on touching anything on her plate. No I'm wrong, she was trying us out and she knows she can walk all over me.
Well you know what H, this is the second time something like this has happened where you get at me for being too soft and she has actually been sick. Thats why I don't agree with you and I don't listen to you. But because you are controlling and threatening, I will always be seen to agree with you to avoid possible followup.
And yes I hear you H that if you have to smack her you will smack me too because its my fault if you have to smack her.
And I hate the fact that when i do try to tell her off shouting how you want me to, that then you are nicey pie to her and yet I have to remain distant when you tell her off. What is she making of all this. I hate how she gets upset when you are yelling at me or throwing things around and I can't cuddle her because I need to remain distant so I dont get him more upset.
And I will not get aggressive at her or use threatening behaviour like throwing things in front of her, or slamming doors because that is not appropriate (well not in my book). I pick and choose my battles with her over what is allowable and what isn't.
And I bet if H was working and he came home at the end of the day, he would not be telling her off. He would be making the most of his time with her. Or go to the garage and sit and smoke like he did do when she was first born and he had a job.
Today I am getting the silent treatment, the distant treatment and the snarky under the breath comments. And he calls me immature. I will be finishing late today because I don't want to go home and face him and be seen to be disciplining our daughter.
I can see a great weekend heading my way.
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