the redemption

Mary Oliver said it very well 

“I got saved by the beauty of the world.”

I have had moments when my condition told me nobody cared about me, nobody loves me.

And yet learning to challenge those thoughts has been a triumph of my recuperation.

I can so get caught up in 'the way things are done' rather than look at gesture and appreciate

that gesture in it's nature.

I feel on the outside of other relationships at times and yet I am learning the reality that we all

build the relationships in life for ourselves.  If seeing ourselves outside of certain familial relationships

I need to show myself that it's the gray area where I live, it's a good reminder to myself.

I know I am a part of the group, though I may not have the special bonding for myself yet, the others still regard me

and I can appreciate from the outside looking in at that specialness.

With the reminder to myself I hold on to my part of the group and yet somehow also be separated.

I am learning to appreciate that we are all grinding away at the work of life, whether it be

professional or just the process of taking care of it all. It's a definitely a commonality that

I see for all of us. I find myself finding redemption in the reminder of beauty in the world

and so to use Mary Oliver's inspiration I like her poetic “I got saved by the beauty of the world”

as indeed the beauty of the world so much carries me through, day to day.  I find it always there

in the gray areas.