the (re-)start of a beautiful friendship. or, how will it end up this time?

i'm really glad that i have written as much as i did here about nick. it's good to go back and see how i felt, and what he did, and who i was. it's definitely a learning experience. now, i'm talking to nate AGAIN. i need to make sure i come here and write about it, so that i can keep focus. he's hurt me before, and i'm giving him another chance because i can see how it might've just been a one-time fuck-up, as opposed to an actual character flaw of his. like, it could be either one of those, but i'm giving him another shot. i'm giving US another shot.

we've just started talking again a few days ago, texting on messenger. the way that we can actually communicate is a breath of fresh air. i don't have that with anybody else right now. i just want to stay up all night talking about WHATEVER.

i don't really know what to expect between the two of us. i want to hang out with him, and see if i feel like an object to him, or see if he actually cares about me. and i need to find out if he truly is the privileged white christian male bigot that i had once labeled him as.

the connection of the minds that we have is enough to give this another shot. i just would love it if we end up having a connection of the souls. i'm actually considering this time to make us official, possibly. but i gotta wait and see what he's really made of lol.

lately i can't stop thinking about him, and about the possibilities of a romantic relationship with him, and about the sex (cuz i'm so sex-starved lol). god i need sex. but that's neither here nor there ugh..... but anyway, i always get so damn excited and eager with the start of a new relationship.