The Problem with taking breaks...even when I really need them
Today I put together a proposal for a major moral compass project in my ethics class, because I really didn't want to wait for Monday night to do that (the proposal is due Tuesday, and then I have a month to do a draft). It was very difficult; I have never tried something like this before, which does give the impression that I have an identity crisis on that front. Oh well.
So after that, I was using companion website activities from my texts to do some knowledge check work before my quizzes on Monday. I could feel my focus starting to go poof...but at the same time something inside me kept me from pulling up short.
I had to concede this to a friend privately earlier, but I guess I have to leave it here now, too...I am flat-out afraid of taking breaks, and it's hurting. A lot. The addiction episodes that just won't go away are playing a major role. And that means the hiding connotation with anything fun is factoring in, too.
"You couldn't be responsible with anything before," I'm catching myself thinking, "so what makes you think you can be responsible with it now?"
And I don't have an answer for that. I've said this before, but I know from experience that given just enough desire to be good at it, you can get addicted to anything.
This is pretty sad because recently, on the rare occasions when I have been able to take them, limits have been working. But I have no faith in being able to hold myself to them in the long run, so I hide from what I think could be giving me an incentive to hide...and in the process, I'm blowing my brains out from trying to pull what normal people would consider to be marathon sessions.
Small wonder the semester got off to a (expletive deleted) start, no?
So after that, I was using companion website activities from my texts to do some knowledge check work before my quizzes on Monday. I could feel my focus starting to go poof...but at the same time something inside me kept me from pulling up short.
I had to concede this to a friend privately earlier, but I guess I have to leave it here now, too...I am flat-out afraid of taking breaks, and it's hurting. A lot. The addiction episodes that just won't go away are playing a major role. And that means the hiding connotation with anything fun is factoring in, too.
"You couldn't be responsible with anything before," I'm catching myself thinking, "so what makes you think you can be responsible with it now?"
And I don't have an answer for that. I've said this before, but I know from experience that given just enough desire to be good at it, you can get addicted to anything.
This is pretty sad because recently, on the rare occasions when I have been able to take them, limits have been working. But I have no faith in being able to hold myself to them in the long run, so I hide from what I think could be giving me an incentive to hide...and in the process, I'm blowing my brains out from trying to pull what normal people would consider to be marathon sessions.
Small wonder the semester got off to a (expletive deleted) start, no?
Replies
Damn...very sorry that this is so hard for you. It\'ll definitely cause burn-out, but I\'m sure you already know that lol. I remember doing the work all day, study all night thing, and I nearly lost my mind after only 1 day. I would show up at work the next day and hardly be awake enough to read my script (telemarketing). So yeah, you do need to find a way to take breaks. I probably suggested this before, but would a walk be a \'safe\' break for you? Nothing to get addicted to on a walk, and it\'s always a good way to clear the head...just an idea. Hugs to ya, and I hope this gets easier soon.