The Problem with Me
is that I hold too much frustration and irritation in and then it overwhelms me. One of the major problems I tend to have with my brother is that because he is a difficult person and has many irritating personal characteristics, I have to ignore them or I would go crazy, but ignoring them is not forgetting them and so I get easily irritated by him when he is doing something irrational or arrogant or over controlling.
I have told him this is my problem and he needs to learn to deal with it. But it is partly his doing still I can't change him only myself so I try to get him to stop being so irritating to me so I dont explode at his littlest thing after it has all become too much.
I have found that the major problem I have with him is that he is inconsiderate of anyone else, having no seeming awareness that they too have opinions or feelings until they get mad at him and then he blames them for being over emotional and out of control. It is his treatment of others that drives them to this when they are perhaps a little out of control or just finally fed up with him and can't take it anymore.
For a long time I wondered if it was only me, my issues with him and the past mistreatment that has made me on edge and over emotional where he is concerned. And to a degree this is true but I have been talking to a lot more people that have dealt with him and they all agree he is an undesirable type, hard to get along with, arrogant, over bearing, rude and many other things that make him hard to get along with. They also tell me that I am nothing like him tho they feared I would be after meeting him and then thinking that maybe it is a family thing. But others tell me that I am very pleasant and agreeable and easy to get along with. So I can no longer think it is me.
this does give me some freedom from anxiety but it does not make him any the easier to get along with and so I push on and try to just avoid him as much as I can. It seems easier that way.
I have also realized that the main thing that bothers me about him is that I cannot understand where he is coming form mowt of the time. Other than assuming that whatever he does is somehow to give him an advantage, I cannot figure out what motivated him. Much of it seems irrational, illogical and overly emotional. I dont deal well with that kind of thing. I can't get my head around it and so it confuses me and stresses me out.
Thus, less stress and confusion if I can avoid contact with him and so that is my aim.
I have told him this is my problem and he needs to learn to deal with it. But it is partly his doing still I can't change him only myself so I try to get him to stop being so irritating to me so I dont explode at his littlest thing after it has all become too much.
I have found that the major problem I have with him is that he is inconsiderate of anyone else, having no seeming awareness that they too have opinions or feelings until they get mad at him and then he blames them for being over emotional and out of control. It is his treatment of others that drives them to this when they are perhaps a little out of control or just finally fed up with him and can't take it anymore.
For a long time I wondered if it was only me, my issues with him and the past mistreatment that has made me on edge and over emotional where he is concerned. And to a degree this is true but I have been talking to a lot more people that have dealt with him and they all agree he is an undesirable type, hard to get along with, arrogant, over bearing, rude and many other things that make him hard to get along with. They also tell me that I am nothing like him tho they feared I would be after meeting him and then thinking that maybe it is a family thing. But others tell me that I am very pleasant and agreeable and easy to get along with. So I can no longer think it is me.
this does give me some freedom from anxiety but it does not make him any the easier to get along with and so I push on and try to just avoid him as much as I can. It seems easier that way.
I have also realized that the main thing that bothers me about him is that I cannot understand where he is coming form mowt of the time. Other than assuming that whatever he does is somehow to give him an advantage, I cannot figure out what motivated him. Much of it seems irrational, illogical and overly emotional. I dont deal well with that kind of thing. I can't get my head around it and so it confuses me and stresses me out.
Thus, less stress and confusion if I can avoid contact with him and so that is my aim.
Replies
It would be hard to deal with someone who is being irrational, illogical and emotional. I think you are right, the less you are around him the better, it\'s stress you do not need. You know, I am guilty on the emotional part and my daughter had to back away for awhile from me, and I totally understand, it was stressful for her to be around me. Illogical sometimes? YES. Irrational sometimes? CHECK. Still an emo-check.
So from THAT perspective I can understand why you need to avoid contact with him. You\'ve got to do what works for you, or else it will be too stressful.
I can totally understand
It\'s not a problem with u, it is a problem of you having to deal with him
Another thing you wrote, no you can only change yourself and you can change how much you interact with him, and how much you see him, and are around him, then that will hopefully change things for you by not being so overwhelming