the pressure of life pressing my head downwards

there are times when i feel like I just don't know anything...I have approached writing my thoughts today, and reaching out to others but have talked myself out of it as it just didn't seem the right thing to do. I'd love to talk to a kind therapist who would just guide me through my thoughts and hopefully leave me outside the other end with a more pleasant feeling and outlook.

I think "I get" that a lot of times we have to do that for ourselves though I really would love the human contact.

Growing up I never felt like I fit in.. and maybe as life reveals itself to me - even at 49 I understand now that it is about survival and maybe life is about having shared goals - to survive - and to achieve.. together.  It takes a lot for us to match up with interests or at least common appreciation and then also having that survival prospect be appreciated within each other. I don't know if that makes sense or if I am saying it clearly.

Anyways, I think I can think too much about aesthetics... like a 'right way to do things' rather than focus my sites on a commonality of struggle to survive and comraderie in that. Sorry I am laughing because this is so weird. I am off work right now and when I don't have a focus it seems the pressure of life...and my own passivity just push and press my head downward. I have some things to do later and so that will be good for me. Life seems such a mystery sometimes. Sometimes I wish I had gotten married and had kids. Had that outlook younger after college..but there seemed to be something else - some way else that I was destined to live. Ah well call me the silver surfer. A blind traveler.