The Power of release
It's amazing how much good it does for me to journal about things that hurt me or make me feel any form of negativity. Once I wrote all that shit in my journal about Douche I started remembering it all. I remembered how NOTHING he ever did in that "relationship" was ever about me or for me. Nothing. Nothing at all. Even things that seemed nice were all about him. He is a fucking Misogynist- a fucking woman hater. He despises women. That fucker rationalized women's period pains- he sighted the fucking bible to show how we deserve it b/c eve ate the apple. In the same conversation he stuck up for woman beaters and explained to me that they do it b/c they are powerless to women! That was the same special conversation where he threatened to beat me. Btw- in our first argument he called me an abuser and he sighted the DSM (therapist reference tool) as to why he was right. Loved that about him really- the fact that just telling me I was a piece of shit wasn't sufficient- he always had to quote some fucking source to make it seem like- "See- everyone thinks your crazy- its not just me- so it must be true." GRRRRRRR- fuck him. He did EVRERYTHING TO UNDERMINE ME. He sought me out to destroy me for his own sick validation. I wish he was here right now- I'd fucking clock his ass so hard. He's a strong man but I bet with my level of rage it would only take one hit to deck his disgusting woman hating ass.
On that note- all those warm and fuzzy feelings I was entertaining are gone. And honestly when it comes to him I'd MUCH rather feel the anger. Additionally its a reminder that I'm not above it with him. I can't let myself forget that. Soon after that feeling comes the feeling like- "Maybe I can see him, maybe I'm over it." And that is the fucking beginning of the end.
I won't let it happen again. I swear I wont. I'll do everything I need to to prevent it.
On that note- all those warm and fuzzy feelings I was entertaining are gone. And honestly when it comes to him I'd MUCH rather feel the anger. Additionally its a reminder that I'm not above it with him. I can't let myself forget that. Soon after that feeling comes the feeling like- "Maybe I can see him, maybe I'm over it." And that is the fucking beginning of the end.
I won't let it happen again. I swear I wont. I'll do everything I need to to prevent it.
Replies
Oh yeah!!! That homicidal rage does rear it\'s ugly head every time I start to remember the shit I took from him - and the nonsense he said ALL to make me feel bad in one way or another!
Yeppers! Those revenge fantasies start rolling in fast and hard, as I wonder how anyone - even him - can rationalize his very existence! Mine is stupid! Selfish! A liar! And he possesses every loathsome characteristic in a man and even managed to find a few new ones to make me sick! He\'s intellectually retarded; an emotional moron; stupid; clueless about pretty much anything important; can\'t plan anything with the exception of putting one foot in front of the other; he\'s ugly; and he smells!!!! WTF was I thinking?!!!
Phew! Not sure how that feels yet.. but, I do know one thing for sure - knowing my H - I have honestly considered joining a freakin convent. YES! Just so I never, ever have to be around these pigs any more. I\'ve thought about the lesbian thing - but, nah... I\'m sure there\'s women psychos too, and just my luck I would find the sickest one! LOL!
I\'m with ya girl... mine is 6\'3\" and 230lbs and I seriously would love to hurt him - it would be like running into a brick wall with me getting hurt... but one can hope, can\'t they?
Haha- that sounds pretty big- mine is too big to hit also- well unless I wanted to get knocked the fuck out. But damn man- it is nice to think about it. Maybe even one good bitch slap- mad hard and then catch him with the back of your hand on the way back- so it makes a sound like \"WHAPAP.\" Ah, one can certainly dream :)
lol you guys made laugh and I\'m at work. so I gotta keep it down. Omgosh Serenity he sounds like a lunatic get away from him!!!!!!!!!!!
He is a fucking lunatic! He did me the biggest favor ever my not wanting me. What a bastard. I have to go through and read all these old entries again. It reminds me how far I\'ve come. I was hurting pretty bad that day. I don\'t feel half as bad now. This site has helped me so much.
That\'s great I hope I get to that point because I too feel like ripping his head off specially the other day fken moron. Good for us someday we will find someone who appreciates us as we are wonderful and great!!