The power of discomfort

I was in a good frame of mind this morning.

I slept-in a very long time - I woke at 8am and I went back to sleep

and then got down to church at around 950a or so.

The sleep did wonders for me. I felt in a good frame

of mind - and was happy and alacritous to take

care of the sisters' requests. 

I found myself thinking about how good i felt and then as I set out driving for

errands and 

my mood started to go south. I tried to hold on - and then...

Well, to cope with it.... I found myself

thinking 'well you can't feel good all the time' and 'you better not give

this bad mood onset too much power' in so many words 'it's important

to keep at the tasks I need to do - and keep clear minded though the feelings

of angst were churning inside"

It really is incredible how empowered this made me feel. My oh so nice feelings

gave way to a kind of a position of just 'taking care of business' rather than

did I capitulate to my emotional discomfort. It's amazing how my discomfort has

so shaped my life....and listening to it was something that made that so.

I got to the shops and I did my shopping. Whereas I might have gotten

anxious about every little task - I just took it all as a matter of fact 'my job that

i had to do' - no bother either way - - I was noticing the people shopping and

just respected the diversity of all our different manifestations - and I just felt

both a part and separate from the society at large. On my own course

and not reactive to the folks as I came into contact with them - mostly I used to pass

judgement on myself - and have been reactive to others. It's hard to explain -

it's like I found my own vibe - and I did what I needed to do.

I was thinking about how I would write about this when I got home.

I thought of calling my therapist and leaving a voicemail. But that too

I thought I can deal with the wait-  - I really should leave it until our next meeting

or at the very least - email her during a week day. And I am ok with that - and it's really

important to do so - 

whereas before I might have felt so tenuous as she would be the grounding 

force in my life at the very moment. But I am able to deal with the discomfort

now. It's really amazing how powerful discomfort is - I feel blessed to be mindful

about it - and here's my mission which is to have it remain in it's own place

and at the very least fuel my momentum in my days. Also I didn't judge

the kind of mixed feelings I had when I returned - I was very grateful they, the sisters,  thanked

me for doing all that shopping and I wasn't so worried about being perfectly mannered.

I let out some steam and got back to my cell where I am now :).