The Potential "Stopper"
So here's the conundrum: In order to overcome our fears, we CO's have to commit to practicing overcoming our fears; AND in doing that understand, predict, allow, and accept that we will be failing overcoming our "fears of failing" while we practice overcoming our fears! YIKES!
The only solution I am aware of now, that I wasn't before now, is that our fears are always "projections of the avoiding of a painful negative outcome" in the future; and no one can predict the outcome of any future event precisely. The learning is how do we KNOW the future will not have a positive outcome if we can't predict the future? We DON'T really KNOW, so we must explore, and accept we can trust ourselves to do whatever we feel THEN for whatever the outcome is. We don't have to prepare ourselves for our feelings, we just feel what we feel and let it go. We're not prefect (Okay...I'M not perfect) and we're okay with that. Give up the control over the outcome as a controller of our feelings. We will choose how we feel then, and not disappoint ourselves with out projected and EXPECTED feelings. Just do it.
That phrase, Just Do It, has new meaning to me now: Acting confident (Taking action before feeling confident) comes first, and "feeling" confident comes after, after practicing. You gain confidence AFTER you act. Perfectionist want to be confident BEFORE they act, when the real task is to teach yourself it is okay to fail while you learn to change a behavior and learn a new skill. Learning a new way of being requires the risk of failure until the task or skill is mastered. To allow the feeling of pain.
It makes sense to me. It's REALLY scary to do, yeah, but it works!
So when the "roommate-in-my-head" warns me that I will appear stupid and clumsy while learning to behave differently, I reply "Yes, WE will, and I can allow myself to feel the feeling, and then let it go. YOU can't. Hahahahahahaha...now go away, I'm busy practicing giving my attention to failing and changing, and not to your voice." [Begin to notice that when you direct you attention entirely to the task-at-hand the "voice" shuts up and watches. That's a good thing to know, and practice: that, like meditation, you can control your attention if you practice.]
The only solution I am aware of now, that I wasn't before now, is that our fears are always "projections of the avoiding of a painful negative outcome" in the future; and no one can predict the outcome of any future event precisely. The learning is how do we KNOW the future will not have a positive outcome if we can't predict the future? We DON'T really KNOW, so we must explore, and accept we can trust ourselves to do whatever we feel THEN for whatever the outcome is. We don't have to prepare ourselves for our feelings, we just feel what we feel and let it go. We're not prefect (Okay...I'M not perfect) and we're okay with that. Give up the control over the outcome as a controller of our feelings. We will choose how we feel then, and not disappoint ourselves with out projected and EXPECTED feelings. Just do it.
That phrase, Just Do It, has new meaning to me now: Acting confident (Taking action before feeling confident) comes first, and "feeling" confident comes after, after practicing. You gain confidence AFTER you act. Perfectionist want to be confident BEFORE they act, when the real task is to teach yourself it is okay to fail while you learn to change a behavior and learn a new skill. Learning a new way of being requires the risk of failure until the task or skill is mastered. To allow the feeling of pain.
It makes sense to me. It's REALLY scary to do, yeah, but it works!
So when the "roommate-in-my-head" warns me that I will appear stupid and clumsy while learning to behave differently, I reply "Yes, WE will, and I can allow myself to feel the feeling, and then let it go. YOU can't. Hahahahahahaha...now go away, I'm busy practicing giving my attention to failing and changing, and not to your voice." [Begin to notice that when you direct you attention entirely to the task-at-hand the "voice" shuts up and watches. That's a good thing to know, and practice: that, like meditation, you can control your attention if you practice.]
Replies
Hi Rich,
I had an \"ah-ha\" moment reading your post. \"Begin to notice that when you direct you attention entirely to the task-at-hand the \"voice\" shuts up and watches. That\'s a good thing to know, and practice: that, like meditation, you can control your attention if you practice.]\"
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and recovery. It is so helpful to me.
Hugs and Boldly Go!
Shar