The plans I have made….
I wrote this message to my Dad, ister and brother this afternoon after
being out in Georgetown for the day.
--
:
Dad, A and D.
I had a wonderful time with my godson in Georgetown today. It really showed me how good life can be. I’ve found myself more and more able to know what my feelings mean rather than philosophize or blindly react and I was able to let my guard down with F and not search out some perfect detail. We had a great flawed and fun conversation and adventure out in DC. Though I’ve been in crisis at times here and lately and you all have been amazingly supportive I also reckon I’ve been asking you guys to fill me up in a weird way for my own lack of control and that’s not right or fair. I wish I could part take in family experiences and successes and I can, and do, online etc . But I also have my foray into the world as we each do. I know I have to look to the life I’m making to really take care of my human needs and remember to be satisfied by my life too rather just seem it’s the right thing to do.
I don’t want to drag you down
My sister wrote this back :
Mark what a beautiful note. We all want nothing but the best for you.
--
I've realized that I think the extreme austerity of the monastery is a bit too
polarizing for me right now. I know I wanted to come here - it was my choice and it has given me peace and gave me a good
time to heal but I find the extreme nature of either rules or extreme play are playing
out in the choices I have made in life - and are being expressed in my mental health - from ultimate versions of things - archetypes -
etc..
Replies
Big hug sweetie
I'm glad that you had a great day with your godson
You seem to be trying to work through whether or not this is for you still Marky?
It's a pretty extreme life sweetie
I know that there's certainly good things about it but it is extreme
Sending a blessing and support...xo
Thanks Janet!
by my brief review of your journal, it has not been an entire 48 hours since your last big epitome. can we conclude that you are still in impulse mode?
back when my international flight impulses were still running my life, 48 hours was still plenty of time for me to decide my last choices were invalid and my destiny lay in whatever the whats of the episode were. it may well be that your decision to give the monastic life were erroneous, but a month is a mere blink of an eye in the course of a lifetime.
my first step away from the non-stop flight pattern was to give myself a fixed window in which to decide. within that spirit, june 1st sounds like a solid 4 weeks to let yourself process and await a more settled certainty. perhaps you could decide to decide nothing until then?
just a suggestion. . .
personally, i don't see where monastic life is any more extreme than my own decision to start a second parenting career at age 65. nearly 6 years later, i still miss my rivers and the solitary life of river research.
thanks arfie. i really appreciate your feedback. I'll write to you more later. peace!
Sorry if my comments aren't okay Mark.... I never mean to offend you.... I hope that you know that sweetie.... xo
no they definitely are OK Jan!!! Sorry I have been so in my head today I forgot to respond!!
I appreciate YOU SO MUCH!!
No it's okay.... I just hoped that I didn't offend you and I'm so glad that I didn't..... Big squishy hug sweetie.... xo
Thanks Jan!
Happy Sunday. I have had a busy morning. I had on CBS Sunday Morning where they interviewed Ralph Fiennes for the role in The Conclave, and they asked him if the role answered any of his questions of faith. And he responded that it only raised more questions.
The mystery is something we ought to embrace as uplifting energy as we move through life trying to determine where out work would best serve others.
You often sound a lot like me in trying to find the permanence is where we need to be, but maybe there is a transfixed emotional state that ought to be the focus instead, otherwise we will continue to hit waves of overwhelming uncertainty if we are always in the right place or right time.
Hope that made sense. Hugs.
Thanks Nikki!!