The pain hurts

Hello, I am just so everything today.  I am confused, hurt, emotional, tired, frustrated, ugh!  Sarah took the kids to ca for the weekend.  I tried to call to say happy thanksgiving to them, only to not get a response, even from a text.  I managed to get one from her dad saying that they are ok.  That is good to know at least.  I was worried about them driving. I feel so alone today.  I have realized on how thankful i am to the lord for giving me such a great wife and kids.  I absolutley am upset at myself because i am the one who pushed her away with them.  My attitude was not the greatest.  I am working on myself one day at a time.  I started reading the book "Keep The Change" by Dr. Tom Zimmerman.  i will be working on it and writing about it daily from this point forward.  Part one is understanding the life change process.  Exercise one asks me to think for a moment, and ask myself what changes were imposed on me by someone else? What didnt i like about them?  Well, i know that Sarah has imposed change on me.  She has shown to me that i am not a good husband, nor a good father.  I do not like that the fact that she had to leave to do it, but i even more don't like the fact that I did not see it for myself.  In all that has happened these past few weeks, I have realized that my anger is an issue.  I have remedied it by reading, counting down, stopping and actually thinking.  It is very hard for me to do, but i have proved to myself that it works.  The biggest thing that i have been doing, is praying.  I was very upset this morning, because i was and am all alone on thanksgiving. But, i stopped, thought about it, and prayed.  I did feel a lot better afterwards.
Another change that was imposed by someone else, is my children!  I have never loved anybody else, besides my wife.  Both of my children really changed my life, regardless of what people think.  When they were taken away from me, I felt so empty. i realized that i have taken so much time away from them by working so much, and volunteering so much, that i have created this gap in my life that i had to 'fill' by working more.  there isnt anythig i dont like about it, except the fact that it took my wrong doings, and sarah leaving, for me to fully understand that i truly need help and have done bad. 
Another outside source that changed me, was the Marines.  I have spent so much time away from my family, that it caused me to have an issue.  I have sacrificed so much time away, that it has caused resentment with my wife.  It gave me the work ethic to always continue the march.  That isnt a bad work ethic to have, but when it does come to my family, it is a huge deal that i did not see.  I let it supress inside me with some other issues, which turned them into bigger issues, which now i see and need to fix.