The OPEN HOUSE...

Hi everyone!  Its been almost 3 weeks since my return from our visit back home.  I felt I should give you an update in regards to my post about the Open House my X was having for my daughter.  It was a very short visit we arrived home on Thursday afternoon and left on Monday morning. Spent a lot of time with our family and friends visiting in and out throughout the trip and trying to fit our favorite restaurants in between.  Because my daughters Grandfather (the X's father) was not going to be in town for the Open House he asked to stop by the house to visit with my daughter before he left.  That was awkward since they do not really have a relationship so there wasn't really much to talk about (except him).  He commented on how well she looked and also to my son who he never sees and then of course I was standing there so he said I looked great too! Very insincere. I did run into one of his closest friends while at our favorite pub.  We are still good friends.  He is not very happy with my X and his decision and the disclosure of his girlfriend and I made sure to let him know someone was pursuing me that lives near me that we grew up with.  Who is now very successful and well off. LOL.  Thought at least he deserves a ping of jealousy. (Doubt I even get that.) And then when I took my daughter to her best friends wedding on Saturday, which is the reason we returned home, her softball coach was there and he talks with X on a semi-regular basis so at least he got to see me all dressed up and gorgeous!! I did have a nice time and everyone commented on how amazing I looked not only because I was dressed up, but that I had a different "glow" about me.  And I did!! I felt confident and strong and no longer a victim.  Then came Sunday.  My son who came home for the weekend from college took my daughter to the Open House so I did not have to deal with X and his family at all.  Meanwhile I spent the day with my family catching up and a few close friends who attended the open house stopped to visit me which made me feel good.  The kids returned earlier than expected around 7pm and told me who had showed up and that they all asked about me, even his 2 sisters who were there.  I didn't think much into that except they were being polite and really didn't care and didn't go into any detail.  Just a phrase.  What hurt the most and had a major melt down was that X did NOT even ask about me.  Not even a "How's your mom doing?"  Very cold.  It just broke me down all over again.  No one from my family attended or even considered attending.  My father went to get us donuts in the morning on Sunday and ran into old family friends of my X's family and he asked if she and her husband were attending the Open House.  And they didn't know anything about it and asked if my dad was going?  Funny that people don't think anything of my family or me attending this Open House.  But he told her no that he was upset with my X and she asked why? (Really??) and he told her he didn't appreciate my X calling me "the woman who lives with you" to his grand-daughter and how he proceeded with the divorce.  Now understand that my family has been very cordial and polite.  They are too good of people to say anything so this was amazing that my dad actually said anything.  My mom is very pleasing and would never say anything either.  She was out of town the entire visit with her college reunion. Well the story got back to my X about 2 days later.  He asked my daughter why "grandpy was all upset at HIS dad" (being they both have the same name.)  My daughter said he's not upset with grandpa hes upset with YOU!  What an idiot!! Totally stupid!!  Such as ASS. I made it through the visit and do not plan to return home in a long time.  It was great to have the support of my family and I miss that where I live now but at least I do not have to deal with X.  Another thing that really hurt was our very close friends who where in our exclusive eloped wedding were there.  Her husband is one of my X's best friends and his wife is very close with me and have been talking a lot through all this.  She told me she was going to stop and couldn't wait to see me.  Well she never showed up.  Never text or called to say she wasn't coming.  Something must have been said by X because she no longer is returning my text or calls.  Very disappointing but clearly lines have been drawn.  I just left her a message that I was disappointed not getting together.  Sucks.  But then again my X exclusively told my daughter "they are his friends".  So not really a friend if you ask me.  So that's my update on the dreaded event.  I don't know if he told anyone I was invited or not.  Didn't really want to know all the details.  On another note.  I am attending a class on "Forgive to Live" with my bible study ladies group.  I am really trying to do the work to get to the point of forgiveness and to move ahead.  I've learned a lot and even some of my unanswered questions are coming to light.  However I am having a hard time writing my grievance story.  Its difficult to admit what happened and that I did have a part in it all and that love wasn't enough as I always thought in my fairytale growing up.  It still hurts and probably always will to some degree.  But his regret and guilt will follow him all his days.  I will move on from this.  Just taking a little bit longer and developing into the person I truly am.  Unlike him who went from one "unhappy" relationship to another without so much as blinking an eye.  The first person who came a long and flirted with him.  Sucker!  I want to write more, but I feel that I'm just not progressing as I should and I can't afford my therapist I was going to since my insurance changed.  So please I already know I need a good therapist. And I feel that everyone is sick of hearing about how I'm not handling this very well.  I'm trying to ignore him and his life events such as his big promotion and new car with it. and how he may have to move to the same city as his girlfriend because she works at the headquarters too.  And how they go to the football games together and the zoo and art festivals, and blah blah blah.  It disgust me that he CAN do all this without the resposibility of his family (a daughter who needs constant care) and that he can do it with HER.  Like as if I never wanted to do those things.  He's become a different person I know.  They're "in-love" and we used to do all those things.  Recently a friend from high school friended me on facebook and in catching up I told her I was divorced and she proceeded to tell me of a time she was at this local bar with another one of our girlfriends from high school and that my X came in alone one night and tried to pick up her friend who was with her boyfriend at the time! I thought maybe she's exaggerating but then she proceeded to tell me that my X kept making fun of me and the weight I gained from having kids.  She said she was mad and embarrassed for me.  Eventually they just had to rudely walk away because he was being such a jerk.  This was about 7 years ago!  Just made me really realize who was this man I thought was my husband for 21+ years. Who I thought always loved me no matter what.  Now to think how he really felt as just another blow to my already fagile self-esteem.  All the more reason I should be glad he's gone.  Just so much to process.  And I'm dealing with so much on top of it.  I'll try to keep posting and your comments are much appreciated.