The news I want but dread so much

My boyfriends suddenly passed away 14 weeks ago on saturday. A cause of death was not established so he had to have a post mortem and the initial findings of that were inconclusive so further investigations had to be done. I keep asking myself when we are going to get an answer as I feel so stupid when people ask me how he died and I can't give them an answer, they look at you like you're mad. Another thing they do is jump to the conclusion it was drugs as he was so young but he was totally anti drugs so I know for a fact its not that.  I just want to know what happened. Nothing will ever explain why it was him, why someone so perfect had to leave my life but at least I will know what happened in his body. I've been getting worked up as its taking so long to get an answer. Well today I went to the pub quiz with his family and they told me they found out today that the inquest is on Tuesday. They've been advised not to go as it can be very difficult to sit through and you can't ask any questions or anything but the coroner will get the information to them so they will let me know as soon as they find out. This is the news I've been wanting for so long but now I know its coming I'm really scared, I don't know how to deal with it. It all feels so real again. I got a bit upset in the pub but I cried the whole way home. I just don't know how to feel about this. What if they couldnt establish a cause of death at all which we were warned was a possibilty? I'll just be left wondering what forever. What if its something I should have noticed or I could have stopped! I want to know so badly but I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. This is going to be the longest few days ever.