the morning is trying to mess with me :(
I woke up this morning around 515am or so - threw on some clothes, brushed my
teeth and went to Starbucks right away and got a treat. The folks there like
to greet the customers by name and chat them up. Unfortunately I am a zombie in the morning
and have never been really good at the kind of chatting that they like to do..."What are you
doing today??" - um - my brain is still on 'just wake' mode - so I just stolidly but plainly said "I am going to help
people move some stuff" - true - Then I ask "How about you?" and he gives his answer and I reply - "That's good
though that you'll be working" - It fell flat -
I got home and started to fret - I worry about falling short with the people at work... where you have to stay in
your own lane - because craziness and embattlement fly around..there I just focus on the work I need to do...
and you know what? right now I am just going to focus on the people and Blue- that mean something to me -
I like that guy at the Starbucks - and I like some of my coworkers too (where though I get a similar kind of falling flat with)
But I am going to focus on the people who mean something to me - I want to be loved and liked - but I don't think
anyone is perfect - I swear if I were a glowing caring person in every situation - I would be living in "OPERA" - but I also have to say I ought to think about where the criticism I am obsessing
about has come from. The person. I will keep on keeping on with what I believe and all that.
It's so strange. Life definitely so dimensional and complex. Maybe I should try and do something kind for
someone today? That would make it feel worthwhile.
Replies
To better days and good days for us!
I went outside for a short walk..it's chilly out - can see my breath. I decided to go back to the
Starbucks for a cup of coffee. I definitely see that we can't get along with everybody.
The girl behind the counter was sweet and she gave me a coffee as a refill.
It was good to just feel like I was a member of the community right then.
At home I am not relating to anyone except Blue - maybe that's where I get into trouble.
Grateful to have BLUE bigtime but also when alone it's real important for me to relate
to my experience well so that I don't go craycray.
Hi mark, you’re doing fine!
I do the nitpicking over self things too. The one thing I did gather in my 25 years working retail is small talk with strangers, like Starbucks baristas...... but yet I was sooooo alone all those years! I’d talk and talk all day long then come home to nothingness. I made a few customer friends though, not all - had to put up my wall with some bc I didn’t know if I could trust them.
Sometimes I miss that type of work but am grateful I got out before the pandemic.
Have fun with Blue today. I hope your day is filled with good things.
Thanks Nikki!
I have brothers and sisters-in-healing whose social anxiety made it difficult to do snappy small talk and often "fell flat" in conversations with people they really like and want to know better. I watched several of them channel that frustration into creating clever tokens for the people they were experiencing this with. Silly stuff. A ribbon for a lapel. A clipping of a comic that made them think of the person. Silly stuff which they could hand to the person at the start of the conversation and say, "This made me think of you."
I'm pretty snippy with the snappy small talk. My greater challenge is not using the talent to alienate people. Old habits die hard.
thanks Arfie!
god, today I feel awful. so flawed...I'll be helping my Dad soon. That will help me feel better.
Maybe I'll go for a walk later.
You are doing excellent! Keep looking at the good moments!
thanks Mid!
Hope you were able to get a walk in. I did, and I feel much much better.
thanks Sensitive! I went grocery shopping, so got that done. Listening to music -
a walk is a good idea! I will probably do it tomorrow morning.