The Month of Loooove..
February is a weird month. There's nothing really to look forward to, unless you have a Valentine. Which, I don't.
Valentine's day is actually my favorite holiday. I love the colors and the hearts and just everything that it stands for. This is also my first Valentine's day as a single woman in like, 6 years. Not complaining, of course. It's cheaper for me that way.
Recently, I've become uninspired. My plan for the last year is going accordingly, but it's not what I hoped. I hoped college would fill me with knowledge about my field of choice, and I would lay down at night feeling satisfied that I completed a full day of work and school.
When I laid down last night, I felt very..empty. I did everything that I was supposed to for the day and it didn't seem like enough. I got a spur of the moment haircut, and I was still unhappy with myself. I laid there and thought to myself, "why am I not more happy?"
I live a good life. I have my own house, my own car, a fantastic job, wonderful co-workers, a community college school life, and wonderful friends. So I have nothing to complain about. But there are things about my life that seem superficial. Like, I'm doing these things because I'm SUPPOSED to, not because I want to. My passion is gone and I don't know how to get it back.
I feel the happiest when I'm at home, like back in Colorado. Being surrounded by my childhood friends and family immediately puts me at ease. It seems that the little things I do there are genuinely noticed and appreciated. The town I grew up in in a shit hole, and going back seems counter-productive. But I know I would be happy.
I think that's what's missing when I lay down at night. Someone to come home to and tell about my day, or my stresses. Whether it's a good friend, girlfriend, or a mom, those people are so important. I can't think of anyone that I'm close to that I can just call and bitch to, and they wouldn't be totally annoyed.
I'm 20 years old. I'm in the prime of my life. Changes at this age are completely expected, but I can't help but crave stability. Whatever it is that is making me feel this way, I hope to figure it out soon.
Valentine's day is actually my favorite holiday. I love the colors and the hearts and just everything that it stands for. This is also my first Valentine's day as a single woman in like, 6 years. Not complaining, of course. It's cheaper for me that way.
Recently, I've become uninspired. My plan for the last year is going accordingly, but it's not what I hoped. I hoped college would fill me with knowledge about my field of choice, and I would lay down at night feeling satisfied that I completed a full day of work and school.
When I laid down last night, I felt very..empty. I did everything that I was supposed to for the day and it didn't seem like enough. I got a spur of the moment haircut, and I was still unhappy with myself. I laid there and thought to myself, "why am I not more happy?"
I live a good life. I have my own house, my own car, a fantastic job, wonderful co-workers, a community college school life, and wonderful friends. So I have nothing to complain about. But there are things about my life that seem superficial. Like, I'm doing these things because I'm SUPPOSED to, not because I want to. My passion is gone and I don't know how to get it back.
I feel the happiest when I'm at home, like back in Colorado. Being surrounded by my childhood friends and family immediately puts me at ease. It seems that the little things I do there are genuinely noticed and appreciated. The town I grew up in in a shit hole, and going back seems counter-productive. But I know I would be happy.
I think that's what's missing when I lay down at night. Someone to come home to and tell about my day, or my stresses. Whether it's a good friend, girlfriend, or a mom, those people are so important. I can't think of anyone that I'm close to that I can just call and bitch to, and they wouldn't be totally annoyed.
I'm 20 years old. I'm in the prime of my life. Changes at this age are completely expected, but I can't help but crave stability. Whatever it is that is making me feel this way, I hope to figure it out soon.
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