The Loss of Family #13

I don't know how to react. My life is falling apart and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. My uncle just told me that I need to be moved out by next weekend. I feel numb. I should feel something. Anything. I missed all the signs. I was stupid. He told me that I could keep my room here if I changed my last name to Armstrong. I didn't go through with it yet because I was afraid that they were going to split up, and I couldn't handle another divorce. So I thought I would wait until everything calmed down to make my decision legal. I wanted to be an Armstrong. I really did. I wanted to be an anything, as long as a family was attached to the name. For some reason I thought that it was just a game when he would remove the posters from my door when I was gone for a few days. I didn't think that he really wanted me gone. The worst part is that I don't even know what I did wrong this time.
Most of the other families that I lost were lost for fairly obvious reasons: I cut and it scared them or I was a Christian and they were atheists or I couldn't handle their out of control kids, etc. Each family had their own reason why it didn't work out. This one has left me with no reason. Well he did say that he needed it back so that he had a place to study, but he has studied all summer just fine in his room or at the beach house. I guess it doesn't matter why, really. The fact of the matter is that I am alone again. My future is uncertain again. And I have no place to go for Christmas or Thanksgiving or the summer. I'm an orphan again. But I wish I was dead. I wish I had the guts to end it this time, instead of just thinking about it. I wish I would have never existed. ~Tracie