The Life I don't want

I hate my new life.  Less than 15 months ago, I was a woman living in a nice suburb with a 28 year old bird, a 13 year old dog, and a husband I adored.  Now, I'm sitting in the basement of my father's house.  The bird, dog, and husband all gone in the blink of an eye.  The change is too fast and too horrible.  I keep thinking how lucky all three are not to be here in this miserable place.  I look up to God and He keeps picking me up.  People tell me I'm strong.  I say that I have no choice and God keeps rescuing me.
The fact is, I hate this new life.  I don't want to wake up in this strange house.  I'm tired of not seeing my dog.  And I want to see the grey crown of my cockatiel.  I want to see my husband's hazel eyes.   How could so much change in such a short length of time.  The devil is here to steal and destroy.  God restores.  I'm needing that restoration very much. 
I'm just tired, tired, tired. 
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I know exactly how you feel. Like you, my ENTIRE life is different. My wife is gone. Our life together now exists only in my memories. Our home? Gone. Everyone we knew together? Gone. Even the state we lived in. Gone. Death took it all and left me with a bus ticket, a duffel bag, and a wounded, broken heart.
i am also living with a family member. my step-mother. i also hate my life. but, i am beginning to see that not only does God restore, He does so with perfect timing.
I pray he does the same for you. We are now works-in-progress though the building of whomever we are going to be feels like eternity in a cruel dentists office. we are going to be okay. you and me both.
God restores, and everything He builds is perfect in His eyes.
ricebells
ricebells

l,m sorry you are so down,its terrible isn,t it,l also hate my life the way it is without my husband,sometimes l really can,t see the point in it all,but l,m sure there must be answers to it somewhere.My mother always use to say that the people who we lose in this life,once they get to heaven,they look down on this earth and wouldn,t want to come back because they have found peace,but they still watch over us and protect us.l know this gives me some comfort,but like you its so hard at times.
l,m hoping for some peace for you and may we all find the reason in our lives to move forward,take care.
Alice
deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m also praying for peace for you this Sunday morning. I understand how difficult it must be for you - with all of these losses hitting you at once. The loss of your husband was the worst thing to imagine - then having to deal with the others also, I can only offer you my thoughts, my prayers and my shoulders to help carry your burden here.
I know what you mean about people saying how strong we are - sometimes I\'m just kind of tired of being the strong one.
I hope that you get some rest..........and some peace today.
Hugs to you,
Christine
DianeMTB
DianeMTB

I know what you mean. It is not the choice we wanted that is for sure. We want our old life back but that is not going to happen. You did suffer too much loss all at once. The bible says that God doesn\'t give or take away too much so we can\'t handle it. God must think you are a pretty strong woman. With God behind you, you can do anything. There must be God\'s purpose why all this has happened to you all at once and why you are living in your father\'s basement. I have to hold on to th fact it is God\'s purpose and plan we are fulfilling in this life. Sometimes it does not comfort me in the darkest hours. I am wound up tighter than a drum. My moods are up and down. The friends at Daily Strength say this is normal and to go through it as it will not last forever. My moods will settle down. It just feels like I have caffeine injected into my arms directly. I have to learn to relax, take things easy and life has a way of working out according to God\'s plan. I am glad I am not the only christian on this web site. It helps to talk and dto share. Lisa and baby Tyson stayed the night last night with me. Grant and Lisa had a fight. I hope they work things out. Lisa said Grant came home and had too much to drink when he was out. It concerns me when there is alcohol involved. My ex-husband was an alcoholic. I am glad I can be here for Lisa and Tyson. They are sleeping on the bed at the moment. I don\'t use an alarm clock and my church switched to summer hours. It used to have 2 services one at 9 a.m. and the other at 11 a.m. but with the summer hours there is only one service at 10 a.m. Today is the first day of the 10 a.m. service and I did not want to sleep in so I got up at 6:30 a.m. I will have to eat my oatmeal, drink my green tea and take my multi vitamin. All the best to you and let me know how things are workingout living in your dad\'s basement. From Diane
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh I am really sorry. All the losses, all the unwanted change, are enough to make you not want to wake up. I hope that your extraordinary faith gives you strength to make it through the time it takes to find some acceptable aspect of life as it is now. I do know how you feel though it is devastating. I too had my wonderful husband, 2 dogs and 1 cat, a house, a job and all that changed in November. My one dog went in November, got laid off,in December, brain cancer took my Rob in January and my cat died a few weeks ago and my home is in foreclosure. I can hardly believe how quickly life changed. I don\'t think I will ever know the why? Working on the what next, and the how to. We are not alone and although I am happy not to be going through this alone I really hate that others are suffering too. Hug, Donna
deleted_user
deleted_user

Life changes literally in a heartbeat...I am also tired.......this grieving wears me out.........and I am still in the looking-glass..........am trusting God will show me the plan for the rest of my life........am sometimes hanging on by my fingernails.........hang on gal..........
L
deleted_user
deleted_user

Yes I know how you feel. One minute everything is great and you are happy in your life the next you find your husband dead in the pool when you get home from work. For me after almost 4 years on Friday it has not gotten any better. I know that for some it does. Hopefully for you it will. sorry you are feeling so bad. Janet