The lies we tell
I think that every time you lie to protect people that hurt you you give a little piece of your soul away. Little by little until you look in the mirror one day and barely recognize yourself. That's why I can't look in the mirror. I don't know who I'm seeing. I haven't in a really long time.
When u lie to protect someone who hurt you its like you're telling yourself that even though you were hurt- you were willing to hurt yourself further just to make sure that the person who hurt you feels no pain. Its saying they are more deserving of love, compassion, understanding, forgiveness than you- even though they hurt you and took something from you in the process. Say it enough (lie enough times) and you believe it- in fact you already believe it when you say it- the repetition just makes it part of your core. And that belief is deep- its beyond the conscious level- it has to be bc if you knew that's what you were doing you never would have. Its fucked.
I've lied to protect everyone who ever hurt me. It took pieces of my soul. Its the reason I felt broken- not bc I was but bc that belief went so deep that I couldn't tell where it stopped and I began- to me it was just who I was.
That's why I've been so self destructive all these years. Its like I was trying to hurt myself bc by lying to protect everyone else I assured myself that that was all I was worth- that I wasn't worthy of love, beauty, success, good things- those people I lied to protect- they were worthy- just not me.
Holy shit. How could I have ever lost this weight, sobered up, and been successful in my career w all that shit going on inside me. I couldn't and that's why I haven't. But its out now. I get it now. I'll never lie to protect someone who hurt me again. I'm worth more than that. I have to forgive myself for ever doubting that I was.
Time to pick up the pieces. I'm gonna be fine.
When u lie to protect someone who hurt you its like you're telling yourself that even though you were hurt- you were willing to hurt yourself further just to make sure that the person who hurt you feels no pain. Its saying they are more deserving of love, compassion, understanding, forgiveness than you- even though they hurt you and took something from you in the process. Say it enough (lie enough times) and you believe it- in fact you already believe it when you say it- the repetition just makes it part of your core. And that belief is deep- its beyond the conscious level- it has to be bc if you knew that's what you were doing you never would have. Its fucked.
I've lied to protect everyone who ever hurt me. It took pieces of my soul. Its the reason I felt broken- not bc I was but bc that belief went so deep that I couldn't tell where it stopped and I began- to me it was just who I was.
That's why I've been so self destructive all these years. Its like I was trying to hurt myself bc by lying to protect everyone else I assured myself that that was all I was worth- that I wasn't worthy of love, beauty, success, good things- those people I lied to protect- they were worthy- just not me.
Holy shit. How could I have ever lost this weight, sobered up, and been successful in my career w all that shit going on inside me. I couldn't and that's why I haven't. But its out now. I get it now. I'll never lie to protect someone who hurt me again. I'm worth more than that. I have to forgive myself for ever doubting that I was.
Time to pick up the pieces. I'm gonna be fine.
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