The joys of my bipolar head

I had a very up and down day yesterday in my head it was down and the voices were very mean but on the outside I was having fun and being my smiley self. I had fun with friends and had open conversations which was cool but yet the very next day I wake up and it is like square one all over again. It feels like such a losing battle some days. If I wasn't so afraid of being locked up I would call crisis and tell them but I would die if I was locked up again that place was horrible. But something has to change or these urges are going to win out. I hate feeling like I am nothingness all the time.