the ilussion of security
it struck me as I thought about my day, how I keep on asking questions,
how I start to bet on myself 'only' conservatively as it seems like I am more
suited towards following a drummer rather than beating my own drum.
Those kinds of thoughts sat with me this morning and then I thought
about how to 'make an independent venture' does not mean you're suddenly safe.
Likewise working in a structured work environment 'does not mean you
are safe either.' There's always hazards and pitfalls no matter what you try
or do. So to think that I would be stepping into a totally secure venture path
forward if I were 'stabile enough' to make my own drum beat is a total illusion.
There's dangers - in different forms - no matter what you endeavor.
Replies
in my strictly personal, non-professional psychoanalysis, control and security are synonyms. both are based on the illusion that i can predict the future.
thanks arfie. I'll put on my jeweled swami hat and set up a fortune teller's booth here in the anxiety section. :) $5 bucks please. :)
But your words ring true. Thanks for them. Since reading them I’ve noticed how ‘high the temperature’ is on my mood. Yes we may not know the future or may have to be dynamic and responsive to what comes our way but we can also just enjoy the ride too..eh?
early on in my therapy, my control issues looked impervious to therapy until a fellow alanon member shared that they had a similar problem they gave up the "illusion of control" which had them convinced they had ever been in control in the first place. giving up the illusion of control worked for me, as well.
a meditation which works for me in this regard came from a passionate hang glider who was thrilled to oversharing when i encouraged her to ramble freely on the subject. the line from her spiel which became an aha moment for me was, "the less control you exert, the more control you have." her spiel didn't inspire me to hang gliding in real life, but it's a super fun meditation on the dynamics of control.
in real life i figure only two things fall from the sky. . . fools and bird shit.
haha