The Grudge

I picked up a grudge yesterday, No one else knows about it. Then tried to drown it with alcohol. That didn't work. It's here on this morning after the night before. My boss called me out for having a rough patch & then listed the reasons for his observation. I then shared my side by pointing out how he was complicit in the observations. Most were either at his request or enabling an unhealthy situation to persist through avoidance or denial. The only question to be asked & answered now is, "what have I done that added to the situation?" Do I destroy the self and become a false ideal representation of the expectations of others? Yeah, this is probably, well not even probably, it is a bitter pity party. So I got drunk. Didn't really want to. There is no solace, only sorrow at the bottom of the bottle. Twelve days, twelve steps & the gift of sobriety for Christmas.