The Green Eyed Monster
I met this girl in grade 4, we were in the same science club (yeppers, I was and still am a proud geek!) and we ended up as partners. She was born in Germany, had lived all over Canada and now that her parents were divorced (her dad was army) had settled down. We fast became best friends. We were inseperable for years, we both had dreams of university together, travelling the world, meeting fantastic sophisticated men yada yada yada. In high school she got her first boyfriend. He was ridiculously controlling, and eventually he got tired of me telling her to leave him and forbade her from seeing me, and for reasons I'll never comprehend but I understand, she did just that. By graduation we barely spoke anymore, and it hurt like a bitch.
Fast forward four years and she left the guy, finally. We started talking on Facebook again, and even went for a couple of coffee dates.
Here's the kicker. Seven years past graduation and I never went to university, I raised my drug addicted sisters kid, I've never left my province and those surrounding it, my fiancee is an asshole with a closet nice side, I have a kid, and I live in the same area we grew up in. Seven years past graduation and she is living in Australia. She goes on vacations to the Bahamas. She visits Germany to see her Oma and Opa all the time. She has skiied in the Alps, swam with sharks. She took some courses just because they interested her. Her boyfriend is a few years older, super nice, and just as worldly as she is.
I feel soooo petty, but talking to her makes me jealous! I know she doesn't intend that. And I know that I have it better then I could, but sometimes it feels like she has the life I wanted. I look at her photos, of her skinny pretty self in a cute summer dress, hanging off her handsome boyfriends arm, in front of some exotic sight or other, and I look down at myself, mostly in sweats, baby pudge firmly in place at my midriff, Joey either watching TV in his underwear or snoring like a horse from the bedroom, and I feel......inadequete(spelling...I know).
I tried to explain it to Joey and he told me to delete her. But it's not that simple. We have alot of history together, and we are both trying to rekindle a once great friendship...and have had some success. Plus, it's not her fault that she does what I always wished to do, and it's not fair to flake out because I'm too sissy to handle it.
I've never really felt like this before. Even when we were poor living in a car, even when my uncle got over friendly, even when my dad died, even when my sister went to federal prison, even when Joey almost died from renal failure....I've never been jealous of someone elses life. Not like this.
Seriously? How can I cope? What can I do besides swallow my envy and feel it gurgle in my stomach?
Fast forward four years and she left the guy, finally. We started talking on Facebook again, and even went for a couple of coffee dates.
Here's the kicker. Seven years past graduation and I never went to university, I raised my drug addicted sisters kid, I've never left my province and those surrounding it, my fiancee is an asshole with a closet nice side, I have a kid, and I live in the same area we grew up in. Seven years past graduation and she is living in Australia. She goes on vacations to the Bahamas. She visits Germany to see her Oma and Opa all the time. She has skiied in the Alps, swam with sharks. She took some courses just because they interested her. Her boyfriend is a few years older, super nice, and just as worldly as she is.
I feel soooo petty, but talking to her makes me jealous! I know she doesn't intend that. And I know that I have it better then I could, but sometimes it feels like she has the life I wanted. I look at her photos, of her skinny pretty self in a cute summer dress, hanging off her handsome boyfriends arm, in front of some exotic sight or other, and I look down at myself, mostly in sweats, baby pudge firmly in place at my midriff, Joey either watching TV in his underwear or snoring like a horse from the bedroom, and I feel......inadequete(spelling...I know).
I tried to explain it to Joey and he told me to delete her. But it's not that simple. We have alot of history together, and we are both trying to rekindle a once great friendship...and have had some success. Plus, it's not her fault that she does what I always wished to do, and it's not fair to flake out because I'm too sissy to handle it.
I've never really felt like this before. Even when we were poor living in a car, even when my uncle got over friendly, even when my dad died, even when my sister went to federal prison, even when Joey almost died from renal failure....I've never been jealous of someone elses life. Not like this.
Seriously? How can I cope? What can I do besides swallow my envy and feel it gurgle in my stomach?
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