The Golden Girls

I told my t doc today right now I'm watching shows like The Golden Girls and Little House on the Prairie all the time. It's hard for me to focus on other shows sometimes. She thinks I'm watching them because I can't identify with those characters so it's taking my mind off my problems. I tried to watch my fave sex and the city last night and got really agitated. I got pissed because they are all healthy in that show well at least until Samantha gets cancer. She says since I can relate to a healthy Carrie that's why I struggle with it.
Why can't I come to terms with not being healthy?? I'm worried I'm going to lose John because of my health. I'm so scared of that. We ran out of time before discussing him today. It was another visit discussing me grieving everything I've lost the past few months.
I'm suppose to focus on things I can do not things I can't. It's hard for me because to me that's not much. I'm suppose to plan small things for my self to accomplish even if it's just planning to watch a certain movie and following through with it.
I had one of my dizzy spells/adrenaline rush feeling today while just sitting on my couch watching Little House on the Prairie. They scare the crap out of me. I hate them. I'm not sure acupuncture is for me either. I did it yesterday and had a terrible headache yesterday and felt dizzy and like crap all day today.