The funeral. ...

I went to the funeral today and I didnt even rrecognize him. I was trying to hold back and not shed a tear. It was an emotional day to say the least. Saw a cousin of mine that tore away at my emotions too. I know I hurt him and that all came on strong today. I wrote him a note and its one of those things where I want the note back before he reads it because its embarrassing but I cant do anything about it now. Its a looooooong story. Im just trying to figure out how to grieve. I dont want to really be around anyone in the family because parts of me dont feel like I belong around. I have noticed some people trear me differentially and I think the adoption has something to do with that. Plus its hard to get close to anyone and I think that often comes across as a cross feeling to others. In reality im just trying not to get hurt or left behind again....