The first time
When I first started cutting, It was small with safety pins and taks and the metal parts of erasers , I thought I could stop anytime i wanted,I was wrong, Its an adiction like smoking or drinking, Cutting was like breathing for me, a sigh of relief.
Over the years I have countless scars and a broken spirit ,you ask what did cutting do for you? It broke me, made me feel emotionless,crippled my spirit,but yet gave me relief , kinda how smoking gives some cancer. Cutting ultimatly sent me to the psyche unit a few times along with suicide ideation.so cutting gave me a few stacks of medical bills.
Cutting makes me self conscious, constantly hiding. Withdrawl from cutting and telling myself no lands me in anxiety attacks.
So for those who think cutting or self injury is okay and you think it will be a quick fix to what your feeling , think again , its a long rode, it doesn't magically go away.It buries emotions and keeps burying them until one day you wake up and you cant identify what it is Ur feeling,thats scary.
Recently I cut again i did it with a razor blade ,I cut too deep,I thought I wouldn't quit bleeding ,I got scared , I was to ashamed to call anyone,And to afraid to call 911, I was going to let myself die, because of fear. What im saying is dont let it get that far, stop now.
Over the years I have countless scars and a broken spirit ,you ask what did cutting do for you? It broke me, made me feel emotionless,crippled my spirit,but yet gave me relief , kinda how smoking gives some cancer. Cutting ultimatly sent me to the psyche unit a few times along with suicide ideation.so cutting gave me a few stacks of medical bills.
Cutting makes me self conscious, constantly hiding. Withdrawl from cutting and telling myself no lands me in anxiety attacks.
So for those who think cutting or self injury is okay and you think it will be a quick fix to what your feeling , think again , its a long rode, it doesn't magically go away.It buries emotions and keeps burying them until one day you wake up and you cant identify what it is Ur feeling,thats scary.
Recently I cut again i did it with a razor blade ,I cut too deep,I thought I wouldn't quit bleeding ,I got scared , I was to ashamed to call anyone,And to afraid to call 911, I was going to let myself die, because of fear. What im saying is dont let it get that far, stop now.
Replies
wow I really needed to read this, because after the day that I had today, I really wanted to visit my old habit and cut, but like you I went too deep one time, I was fortunate and was found after several hours and was taken to the hospital to be sewn up. That was the last time I cut. I found out on that trip that I wanted to live and did not want to die. I just did not want to feel anymore. I am being forced to feel things all kinds of stuff now. And I have to trust that it will be okay. For me, I have to trust God that all things happen for a reason. And maybe God is doing something in my life that needs to be done, I just am not sure of what it is at this time. But I am sure all things will be revealed to me in time. So I just have to do what is not natural to bipolars. Wait and let time be time and God be God. And trust that all things work out for the best. So maybe God is moving in my life and is making new avenues for me? I just pray that I can walk down them with my head held high and do it to the best of my abilities. That is all that I can do or ask to do. I know you can get past the feelings honey, we just have to FEAR=Face Everything And Recover. That is the hardest part for us all to do. Lots of Love, Kase. I hope this helped. I love you girl. Kacey
Thank you so much for sharing this very personal and private struggle. I dont know alot about cutting. I turned to other things when I was young. I really do appreciate you sending me amessage and asking me to read it. Hang in there girl.
I like that this entry is both a very clear explanation of how and what cutting is and how and why it hurts and helps so to speak. My very favorite is that it is put in the form a a waring. To cut yourself so deep that you are scared you are not going to quit bleeding makes me aware that you haven\'t given up even though you think you feel that way. Take this as your bottom because I don\'t think you could do worse and survive, use it and keep it in mind and as you warn others, listen to your own inner voice. As always, well written and thoughtful. You have been fooling around with this cutting thing for so long now and it is clear that it is time for you to let go of whatever you are getting out of it and deal with those feelings so that the need will be dissipated. At this time it is important to not isolate and keep with your appointments and stay way away from those who will do things to trigger you, and you know who they are, you deserve goodness, so be good to yourself and others and this will pass and you will look back on this as if it were a very long time ago.
Careful with the cutting. I have a strange fascination with cutting and I do it all the time. I keep a knife with me all the time and I know it\'s wrong but it is like an addiction - VERY difficult to quite. It releases endorphins in the brain which is supposed to make you feel a bit better - but not in a good way. Make sure and mention this to your doc or your therapist - sounds you need to get a lot of weight off your shoulders.