The First Day
Well this is my first journal entry. My therapists encourage journal writing so here it goes.
I've been having a bad day today. Haven't really got out of bed and did anything. I've been trying to change my meds around a bit because one of them is causing me to have high blood pressure and pulse. And I've been having a hard time staying awake during the day on my meds. It was easier staying awake but my energy level is low.
I feel kinda numb. The crying everyday has stopped but I do feel generally sad and wish i could just go away somewhere and hide. My husband took leave to "watch over" me because I've been very impulsive. I had an episode yesterday where i stopped what I was doing started pulling at my hair...I could feel the anger welling up in me and I wanted to hurt myself (which it isn't anything I think of every day just on impulse) looked for a knife and grabbed a shoe instead and started just throwing it over and over.
I took some klonopin and calmed down and talked to my husband, so after that the therapist didn't want me sitting around alone...but he hasn't been at his current job long enough to get paid for leave...so with no income coming in I'm stressed. My short term disability who knows when that will come in, I hope it does. WOrried about what work thinks about me cause the HR manager decided to tell a few people I went to psych hospital for either mental health or addiction.....great.....she was suppose to leave it at, she's in the hospital...and thats it. Well I guess this turned into a vent which is a good thing.
I'm trying not to have negative thoughts but its hard. Like I posted the paranoia thing keeps coming and going...just a thought here and there about my husband and the HR manager at work. Well I'm shutting up. This is the most productive thing I've done all day. Yay.
I've been having a bad day today. Haven't really got out of bed and did anything. I've been trying to change my meds around a bit because one of them is causing me to have high blood pressure and pulse. And I've been having a hard time staying awake during the day on my meds. It was easier staying awake but my energy level is low.
I feel kinda numb. The crying everyday has stopped but I do feel generally sad and wish i could just go away somewhere and hide. My husband took leave to "watch over" me because I've been very impulsive. I had an episode yesterday where i stopped what I was doing started pulling at my hair...I could feel the anger welling up in me and I wanted to hurt myself (which it isn't anything I think of every day just on impulse) looked for a knife and grabbed a shoe instead and started just throwing it over and over.
I took some klonopin and calmed down and talked to my husband, so after that the therapist didn't want me sitting around alone...but he hasn't been at his current job long enough to get paid for leave...so with no income coming in I'm stressed. My short term disability who knows when that will come in, I hope it does. WOrried about what work thinks about me cause the HR manager decided to tell a few people I went to psych hospital for either mental health or addiction.....great.....she was suppose to leave it at, she's in the hospital...and thats it. Well I guess this turned into a vent which is a good thing.
I'm trying not to have negative thoughts but its hard. Like I posted the paranoia thing keeps coming and going...just a thought here and there about my husband and the HR manager at work. Well I'm shutting up. This is the most productive thing I've done all day. Yay.
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