The Fallout
I have painfully come to the realization that this man will not remove himself from my life, will not change and refuse to have any sympathy for myself or my goals. I know this to the core of my being. I hesitate even writing that, because once I do he will do something different. What else could 'crazy-making' do? And he is the one that is crazy!!
Today, I sent him an email politely asking him to refrain from all contact in my life until when, and if, I am ready to invite him back in. Snowball's chance in hell of that (!!!), but I was trying every angle I could to get him to leave me alone. I feel like I have tried everything else... Blocking him, pissing him off, being nice, listening to him... Everything, right down to destroying any other relationships he may have had going on. Narcissists' hate to lose their supply, so while I did out of rage, hurt and anger, I was also hoping to become such a threat to him that he would just leave me alone.
The next step will be a protection order (what restraining orders are called in my state if no children are involved). I am very fearful of involving the law, I think this could be the one action, more than any other, that has the highest probability of a violent response that could very well result in my death.
The last time we were together, he mentioned something about his ex wife and how she was a 'crazy, psycho bitch'. I called him out on it, and said that she probably had her reasons, that sounded as if they were both unhappy (bullshit... I think she was going through the same stuff I went through. This man is enough to make a sane person become insane). He said he has only fantasized about killing one person-her. After all of the domestic violence BS (uh, he broke her nose and ground her face into glass... And I have copies of the police statements verifying her claims) and her attempt to ruin him, that he had had 'enough'. The only reason he didn't kill her was because of his daughter, he didn't want her to grow up damaged in that way...
Well, bully for him!!! He just deserves the father of the year award of that one, eh?
I told him that it was a good thing he didn't do it, because the police would have arrested him immediately. Then he looked at me, without a care in the world, and said 'I was okay with that. I would have expected to be caught.' Jesus Christ!!!
I do have to qualify my concerns by saying that he has never hit me as an act of violence or in rage. He has never laid a finger on me.
I have always wondered why that was... I think it is because he is smarter than that. After the DV arrests with his ex-wife, he had to attend counseling and group classes. I honestly think it just made him a smarter, better abuser who was able to stay on the right side of the law, but just barely...
I am also worried about pursuing a protection order because I do not have enough proof that he has been threatening to me. It comes down to my word versus his, and judges in my county have been known to throw those cases out, even when there is a past history of abuse. So what would I get then? A pissed off abuser and nothing to stop him?
Ugh!! These are the thoughts that have been going around and around through my head.
I have thought about moving, but I am loathe to give up my life because of some asshole. It pisses me off!!!
I am back to ignoring him and moving on with my life. I have a feeling the delete button on my phone is going to be getting quite the workout, if not immediately, soon.
Today, I sent him an email politely asking him to refrain from all contact in my life until when, and if, I am ready to invite him back in. Snowball's chance in hell of that (!!!), but I was trying every angle I could to get him to leave me alone. I feel like I have tried everything else... Blocking him, pissing him off, being nice, listening to him... Everything, right down to destroying any other relationships he may have had going on. Narcissists' hate to lose their supply, so while I did out of rage, hurt and anger, I was also hoping to become such a threat to him that he would just leave me alone.
The next step will be a protection order (what restraining orders are called in my state if no children are involved). I am very fearful of involving the law, I think this could be the one action, more than any other, that has the highest probability of a violent response that could very well result in my death.
The last time we were together, he mentioned something about his ex wife and how she was a 'crazy, psycho bitch'. I called him out on it, and said that she probably had her reasons, that sounded as if they were both unhappy (bullshit... I think she was going through the same stuff I went through. This man is enough to make a sane person become insane). He said he has only fantasized about killing one person-her. After all of the domestic violence BS (uh, he broke her nose and ground her face into glass... And I have copies of the police statements verifying her claims) and her attempt to ruin him, that he had had 'enough'. The only reason he didn't kill her was because of his daughter, he didn't want her to grow up damaged in that way...
Well, bully for him!!! He just deserves the father of the year award of that one, eh?
I told him that it was a good thing he didn't do it, because the police would have arrested him immediately. Then he looked at me, without a care in the world, and said 'I was okay with that. I would have expected to be caught.' Jesus Christ!!!
I do have to qualify my concerns by saying that he has never hit me as an act of violence or in rage. He has never laid a finger on me.
I have always wondered why that was... I think it is because he is smarter than that. After the DV arrests with his ex-wife, he had to attend counseling and group classes. I honestly think it just made him a smarter, better abuser who was able to stay on the right side of the law, but just barely...
I am also worried about pursuing a protection order because I do not have enough proof that he has been threatening to me. It comes down to my word versus his, and judges in my county have been known to throw those cases out, even when there is a past history of abuse. So what would I get then? A pissed off abuser and nothing to stop him?
Ugh!! These are the thoughts that have been going around and around through my head.
I have thought about moving, but I am loathe to give up my life because of some asshole. It pisses me off!!!
I am back to ignoring him and moving on with my life. I have a feeling the delete button on my phone is going to be getting quite the workout, if not immediately, soon.
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