The Fairytale
Gosh, tonight I'm struggling with the entire wishing for the dream, the fairytale thing. I'm trying to keep myself grounded in reality. Of course, I know why. It's been a quiet week. Daughter out of town, son deeming mom just a little bit lame, then comes the free TV options, which of course were full of the fairytale romantic comedy. Geez, I want to be chased to the airport and life risking rushes through traffic to catch me to really happen in my life! And then when my daughter returns she's being nauseatingly cute on the phone with her equally nauseatingly cute boyfriend. Then she was researching where she thinks she wants to head as far as college, and I find myself trying to be the sensible one and point out medical school and the strain on relationships. It all just got to me this evening. I am ready for a campaign to change all childhood fairytales, teen romances, adult books and movies to accurately reflect more of what's real. We have all these warning labels these days. I'm thinking all these kinds of stories should come with a warning that it just doesn't happen like that!!
And okay, I'm not a cynic, but I'm figuring a phone call is just a little more likely than a high speed chase :)
And okay, I'm not a cynic, but I'm figuring a phone call is just a little more likely than a high speed chase :)
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Raniagale, What I do when I get a bit or more of what you are describing is I zoom in on the emotion which lies underneath the story. With in the emotional form or say energetic dance there is the emotional land scape. That , to me has to be understood and realized for what it is. There is a need in there that is talking to you and projecting to a scene that includes another person which so happens to be YOU ... not separate person. This is how I work with this kind of stuff.
For example ... when I have a dream i mostly work with the dream as in all the people in the dreams all the qualities of the dream are ME. there are exceptions in that often there are equations that are about me dealing with another person in 3-D.
But still it is made up of my interpretation of the person there for it is still about me.
So the male figure is an aspect of myself. I designed the energy it comes from me.
Another way of putting it is \"anima\" & \"animus\".
The more I looked at the male female figures in my dreams as aspects of myself in stead of projecting them on to people out side to play the role out the closer to home I got. The closer i got to the power that lives with in me and not think it belongs out side of me.
Maybe this doesn\'t make a whole lot of sense. But, have worked and do work with this format and it gets me involved with me and my energy and how I am operating.
The energy is not a wrong or a right just an energy that needs to be claimed by me. I need to know what is chasing me. What part of myself is chasing me and already belongs to me.
You can google \"animus\" and \"anima\" and get the definition through Wikipedia. It is a CarlJung term and for what ever reason that particular psychological theory helped me a lot in understanding the male energy with in me playing out with the female energy with in.
I read a really good interpretation of Snow White and how if all the characters were an aspect of snow white. It was a good read. Finding out that all of the objects were parts of snow white and how she worked towards empowerment through the myth of Snow White and the seven dwarfs.
For example the frog becoming the prince is a person personal transformation but the it is projected on to the exterior and the energy is played through seemingly separate people.
Just a little something to change the angle.
I have a pretty good understanding of when I get to feeling this way. I start yearning for the dream anytime that I feel overly stressed. I\'m having one of those times when everything is coming due at once, all the regular bills, plus car tags, insurance, need a couple books for school that are a fortune. I still have this tendency to reach for the white knight thought in these situations. I\'m also frustrated because I\'m trying to move away from this angle of thinking. I did everything alone even within my relationships and continue to do so. I know its tiring. I also know that at this time next month, my financial outlook is looking way, way better and I am trying to keep myself on the positive side instead of going back to old habits of reaching outside of my own power.
I\'m still finding myself a bit in the limbo I\'ve been in this year. I teeter between the positive and the yearning for something to prop me up, I think.
I was proud during the conversation with my daughter because in talking about her projected path toward college and her goals, my own path in the past was discussed. She doesn\'t want to make my mistakes and I was very honest with her about how I didn\'t set out for that path, but also wasn\'t very proactive about sticking to my personal goals and self, either. I also talked about how I\'m trying to get back on my path now, my goals for school, ideas about the rest of my life and not getting sucked back off the path by sticking to meeting my own needs. We had a really good talk. She said she can\'t imagine what our lives would have been like had she not been abused by her dad and that she sees all three of us as stronger, better and closer than we would have been, otherwise. I can see this, personally. I think I would have remained in their dad\'s shadow, working his business, supporting him and never returning to school for my own goals and needs, but remaining an extension of him. I am a different person and loving it.
But, this conversation also made me sad, too. The regret of not choosing myself all along and all it has taken to get back to me. I did get a letter from the university yesterday congratuling me for being on the chancellor\'s list and my 4.0. My parents said I should get that and my arabic certificate framed and up on the wall so I can have something to always remind me of my strength and where I am heading. This may be a good idea! I think you are right that it is scary to step into your own and be responsible for it. I still have times that I want to throw in the towel and just hand it all off....
HUGS to you!! I hate those romantic comedies and never watch em. Seriously. Its not cynical but realistic cause even WITH true love in your life all your problems aren\'t magically solved. You have always been entirely responsible for your life--including its direction! The great thing about this though is the power that gives you to make of yourself and your life what you will! :) I have true love in my life and am so grateful for the guide posts that pointed me along the way--and for him and his steadfastness, support, love, friendship...
But yeah all my struggles are still here--for me to conquer. The only difference is I do have someone to help and to always be there. That\'s not such an unrealistic dream though is it? It doesn\'t have to be a rich golden-haired prince on a flying unicorn to be deeply affecting, ever-lasting...
And also to keep in mind that the potential mates you meet are in flux themselves--not yet their \"perfect\" selves, though hopefully reaching towards perfection. (perfection itself of course being unattainable)
When we can see life for what it is--with its flaws and beauties--then can begin to really WORK with life. We\'re no longer blind to our materials--what we have and what is possible.
Hang in there! It\'s all possible for you!!
I always said if I had a daughter that I would never have read her Cinderella, Snow White and all of those types of books.
Now the myth of the fairy tale is entrenched in the culture that I am not sure if it would solve the issue, but at least she would not have been weaned on those stories.
So, the way of coping with anxiety is to produce a magical person that will solve the problems or reduce anxiety. People do all kinds of things to reduce anxiety.
Some times I dream about winning the lottery to take a break from anxiety. It puts me in a great mood after I had out money to all my friends, donate a huge portion to a organization I believe in and finally buy myself an art studio HA! I wind up with a huge smile on my face and I forget my worries. then I wake up refreshed and ready to deal with reality as it is. A short break.
The only difference here is I am winning the super lotto and you are winning a super human.
Now I know that working with my breath and yoga is a much better answer. It improves my personal power. Also I expect to have anxiety when money issues and other stuff arise. I don\'t work to get out of it but I work to reduce.
I greatly enjoy reading how you communicated to your daughter. You are one cool mom and one cool person.