The eternal battle
"I’m battling my demons all alone.
It’s not really a battle though when you’re losing, is it?
It’s more like a massacre.”
Once again I fall into this eternal battle with myself.
The pitch black sky was supposed to help me sleep, though the only thing i've gotten at the moment are tears. No sounds at home, which make my demons grow as loud as they can, screaming at me, telling me what I should do.
I don't wanna listen to them, but that's the only way they'll shut up. I feel like I'm going crazy.
Food is again going to the evil side, getting in, and going out as soon as I start. What have I done, what have I done?
I just can't stop being sad. I just can't stop crying. I can't stop the thoughts in my mind.
I made myself a battlefield, full of obstacles and traps. Trying to keep the enemy out, with no place to move, I got myself stuck.
It’s not really a battle though when you’re losing, is it?
It’s more like a massacre.”
Once again I fall into this eternal battle with myself.
The pitch black sky was supposed to help me sleep, though the only thing i've gotten at the moment are tears. No sounds at home, which make my demons grow as loud as they can, screaming at me, telling me what I should do.
I don't wanna listen to them, but that's the only way they'll shut up. I feel like I'm going crazy.
Food is again going to the evil side, getting in, and going out as soon as I start. What have I done, what have I done?
I just can't stop being sad. I just can't stop crying. I can't stop the thoughts in my mind.
I made myself a battlefield, full of obstacles and traps. Trying to keep the enemy out, with no place to move, I got myself stuck.
Replies
I\'m so sorry you feel this way martha...do you think things are playing up maybe bcz of where you are just now? or the added stress of new jobs??
vacations are supposed to be more relaxing than this i think : (
Pretty soon you\'ll be too busy to notice these things, staying occupied is a huge help. And i know you may wake up tomorrow much happier when these darker feelings pass over.
Idk, it\'s just, I guess being home... I haven\'t started any job, so i can\'t be stressed of them... besides it\'s my pre.b-day stress...I always get it, lol...I hate it... triggers me a lot idk
I can\'t relax...I have ll this pressure on me, and I\'m feeling really really bad!
I really wanna wake up happier...
Well the b day will come and go, and when it\'s over, you\'ll have new presents :P maybe anticipating the job is whats causing stress too, but when you settle into that, you\'ll feel a lot better..
And when most of this stress has gone again, you will be able to wake up happier. Be paaaaaaatient. See what i did there, i was patient, while writing the word patient ..
: )
I\'m clever like that.
Lol...made me laugh!! You really are soooooooo clever! See i was patient there too :P
Idk, being home is the problem...i always get this way here at home...idk, im just too anxious and toonstressed andtired, i\'m either b/p too much, or not eating anything and excersicing all day long... i dnno
I really dont care about the job yet...i feel like it\'s never vgonna start so...
Anyways..
I know what you mean by being home. Sometimes the relationship between my parents and I isn\'t what I would like it to be, it can be difficult to deal with. I love them and they me, and theirs tons of good, but its up and down.
You\'ll be back in your rhythm soon enough miss martha.
Ahhhh these long ass responses, I miss the chat thing : (
Yeah, too many bad news at home, and idk... it\'s just too much... i\'m feeling really low, can\'t even sleep... which is awful... but well... idk things will be eventually different...i guess..
Thanks for everything...and yeah, it\'s awful not having the chat!! I liked it better that way...it was easier... u.u