The Ending

thanksgiving is difficult for me.  The week before Thanksgiving 2009, Ken was admitted to the hospital for the last time...Ken died that night   But they brought him back after about 15 minutes. Rushed him to surgery to remove the large tumor that had developed on his brain...he survived the surgery so I felt he would get well go home and we would keep fighting the Cancer.. Needless to say, that is not what happened..for the next 40 days Ken would go forward then backwards. He had Sepis Shock  so many times, one infection after another, internal bleeding. A tumor was found on his spine. Actually, the cancer had engulfed his entire body.  On Dec 30,2009, Ken list his fight to a very mean Cancer Multiple Myeloma. He gave all he could. He fought as hard as he could. The cancer was found too late not giving him a lot of fighting time....he lived 28 months after they found the Cancer.. He fought a good fight..he stayed strong in his faith. He left this world that cold winter night.  I love you son. Even though it has been almost 5 years it seems it was today walking the hallways at UAB, searching for the Chapel yet not knowing what to even pray...when I found it..sitting holding your hand night and day knowing you could not feel my hand but feeling you could hear me when I talked to you...remembering one visit walking to your room window looking down at the streets and seeing the glistening lights of Christmas and wondering when did Christmas time come.  Remembering the night your pleading eyes begging me to take you home. I wanted to how I wanted to and seeing the hurt on your face when I said I couldn't. My son as all moms in this group wonder why are we here...who thought we were strong enough to go through this horrible pain we endure some days more than others. How much I wish the Cancer had never happened, that there had been a cure and that we would be getting ready to watch Star Wars or Star Trek. Just wishing we could be sitting talking sharing. Just wishing you were still here with us healthy, happy and enjoying you 3 children and 4 grandchildren. Just watching the happiness on your face as you gazed into your first granddaughter's face. Love you much..miss you much. Forever your mom!!!!!!