The End of an Era
So, tomorrow is the day...the day the "Smith" family home belongs to someone else. The ex and I custom built our dream home in 1998 for our family of 6. It was such a happy and exciting time. He bought me out during the divorce in 2007and I moved out as he told me "You can't afford it." It was true and I had no problem moving out as my youngest was going with me and I was leaving him and bad memories behind. Living our dream on a golf course turned into a nightmare once he "checked out" and that's when our once happy marriage went to hell. Anyway, although he got fired in 2007 (the year of the divorce), he remarried 2 months before his severance package ended to one of his old managers who took over paying the mortgage (which doubled once he bought me out) and he hasn't worked since.
I started dating dh in 2008 and only a month after we met, he moved into a condo in the golf course community I used to live in and what could I see from the back? Oh, yes...my old house. It bothered me at first...so many bad memories, but, over time...not so much. I was starting a new life with dh and making good memories in my new home with him. It's bothered me more this past year as DD23 has lived with them while finishing college...being all "family" with them. I told dh last night that that's my biggest regret...selling my own condo and buying ours knowing DD23 would go to live with her father in her old bedroom (she was 18, but going off to college, but stayed with THEM during breaks). Once that happened, it seemed she was more THEIR daughter than mine. Dh's DS22 lived with us at the time, so although I offered DD23 to come live with us, she declined. I don't blame her as they didn't really know each other, but, at the time, I felt I was doing the right thing for ME (moving on with my life). I didn't foresee the future...DD23 getting close with THEM and not with me and dh. Regrets...oh, yes. I told dh we should have bought a house that had enough room for ALL our children, not just HIS. But, in 2010, the housing market was really good for buyers and his landlord really wanted to sell the condo, so we got a great deal. It's been a wonderful investment...but, I feel...at the cost of my relationship with my kids...and I take full ownership for this. I don't regret marrying dh, but I DO regret buying a home that that doesn't have enough room for all our children. :( My fault and I live with this regret every day.
So...DD23 came over last night with a paper I had to sign for her father just stating he is no longer legally obligated for any child support or alimony. I asked her if she was at all sad about the family home being sold. She didn't seem like it. She's almost 24 and moving to Maui with DD31 next month and starting her own life. I told her my parents sold our family home 5 years after I graduated high school, so I've never lived in the homes they've lived in since. Now...both her parents will live in their own homes none of my children have ever lived in and I feel better about it. It took him 7 years to sell that house and I'm glad it's finally done. I can now look out our back windows at my old house and hope the new family that lives there is making better memories there than I had.
And, on a positive note, DD23 asked if she could spend tomorrow night at our place as it is "moving day" and must be she needs someplace else to stay. I told her she was always welcome at our house. Dh even said this would be a first as she has never stayed with us.
Why is it so much easier to forgive others than yourself?
I started dating dh in 2008 and only a month after we met, he moved into a condo in the golf course community I used to live in and what could I see from the back? Oh, yes...my old house. It bothered me at first...so many bad memories, but, over time...not so much. I was starting a new life with dh and making good memories in my new home with him. It's bothered me more this past year as DD23 has lived with them while finishing college...being all "family" with them. I told dh last night that that's my biggest regret...selling my own condo and buying ours knowing DD23 would go to live with her father in her old bedroom (she was 18, but going off to college, but stayed with THEM during breaks). Once that happened, it seemed she was more THEIR daughter than mine. Dh's DS22 lived with us at the time, so although I offered DD23 to come live with us, she declined. I don't blame her as they didn't really know each other, but, at the time, I felt I was doing the right thing for ME (moving on with my life). I didn't foresee the future...DD23 getting close with THEM and not with me and dh. Regrets...oh, yes. I told dh we should have bought a house that had enough room for ALL our children, not just HIS. But, in 2010, the housing market was really good for buyers and his landlord really wanted to sell the condo, so we got a great deal. It's been a wonderful investment...but, I feel...at the cost of my relationship with my kids...and I take full ownership for this. I don't regret marrying dh, but I DO regret buying a home that that doesn't have enough room for all our children. :( My fault and I live with this regret every day.
So...DD23 came over last night with a paper I had to sign for her father just stating he is no longer legally obligated for any child support or alimony. I asked her if she was at all sad about the family home being sold. She didn't seem like it. She's almost 24 and moving to Maui with DD31 next month and starting her own life. I told her my parents sold our family home 5 years after I graduated high school, so I've never lived in the homes they've lived in since. Now...both her parents will live in their own homes none of my children have ever lived in and I feel better about it. It took him 7 years to sell that house and I'm glad it's finally done. I can now look out our back windows at my old house and hope the new family that lives there is making better memories there than I had.
And, on a positive note, DD23 asked if she could spend tomorrow night at our place as it is "moving day" and must be she needs someplace else to stay. I told her she was always welcome at our house. Dh even said this would be a first as she has never stayed with us.
Why is it so much easier to forgive others than yourself?
Replies
I too am glad that that house is now a past memory for you. having to see it from your condo had to be rough, but as you said, it lessened with time. I cant go to my old house due to the painful memories so I know how you must have felt.
As for you regrets....my dear friend...you did the best you could with what you knew and had at the time. Hindsight is always 20/20 so please do not hold yourself to a standard that just wasnt to be.
As for DD23 spending the night? YaYY!!! Thats a real milestone and I am so happy that she is doing (or has already done this). I know how much you want her to feel comfortable in your home and it seems she is now. Congratulations!!
So how did the daughter sleep over go?
My DD23 actually slept over 2 nights and it went well, although she didn\'t even come over til 8:30. It still saddens me that she will always consider her father\'s house \"home\" and not mine. I know had I remained single and kept my own condo, this would not be the case. My regret.
I live in a townhouse and I worry it is too small for all my kids and grandkids. I go back and forth about buying a house and selling my TH. Not a big house but one with more space. Reading your journal makes me think.