The Emptiness Of Living
Dear Fred:
It's been 2 years and 10 months since Nick died. I have uncurled from fetal position. I no longer cry while grocery shopping. The cruel gut wrenching pain has given way to a low grade feeling of emptiness. I even have taken a couple of classes at our local tech college and enjoyed them! Everyone tells me how good I'm doing and what a long way I have come. In some ways they are right. In other ways they are so far off base.
A while back I made friends with a widow whose husband died 6 months after Nick died. Last November she met a fellow on line. He is now living with her and they are busy living a very good life together. I also know of several of the women on DS who have met and became seriously involved with another person. I am so very pleased for them. However, I really wonder what is wrong with me.
I joined an on line dating site at the urging of the widow friend mentioned above. There really has been no one at all that I could feel a spark of interest in. I'm not sure if that's because the choices here in Idaho are pretty limited, if I am actually looking for someone like Nick and not finding him or if there is just something really wrong with me so I simply am not finding anyone I really would like to become acquainted with. I have met one or two people for a brief coffee. Each time I have left feeling disappointed and so much more alone than before.
I see others "moving on" with their lives and really wonder why I cannot seem to do so. I do not feel a huge need to be with another person. I would just like to be able to find something....even a hobby... that would make it feel like life was worth living each day instead of just marking time.
I have tried different volunteer things. I've done a little travel. I've kept in contact with close friends. I still feel very disengaged and separated. Nothing seems to really give me a spark in life. It feels like I used to live life in vivid color. Now it is all faint pastels. It seems what is really bothering me right now is the emptiness of living.
I'm not sure what to try next. I'm not sure if "this" is how the rest of life is going to be. I'm not sure what the point is of even writing about this other than just to give expression to the feelings or lack of them other than emptiness that seems to be where I am living.
If I am still on DS in another year it will be interesting to see if this has changed.
12/142013
It's been 2 years and 10 months since Nick died. I have uncurled from fetal position. I no longer cry while grocery shopping. The cruel gut wrenching pain has given way to a low grade feeling of emptiness. I even have taken a couple of classes at our local tech college and enjoyed them! Everyone tells me how good I'm doing and what a long way I have come. In some ways they are right. In other ways they are so far off base.
A while back I made friends with a widow whose husband died 6 months after Nick died. Last November she met a fellow on line. He is now living with her and they are busy living a very good life together. I also know of several of the women on DS who have met and became seriously involved with another person. I am so very pleased for them. However, I really wonder what is wrong with me.
I joined an on line dating site at the urging of the widow friend mentioned above. There really has been no one at all that I could feel a spark of interest in. I'm not sure if that's because the choices here in Idaho are pretty limited, if I am actually looking for someone like Nick and not finding him or if there is just something really wrong with me so I simply am not finding anyone I really would like to become acquainted with. I have met one or two people for a brief coffee. Each time I have left feeling disappointed and so much more alone than before.
I see others "moving on" with their lives and really wonder why I cannot seem to do so. I do not feel a huge need to be with another person. I would just like to be able to find something....even a hobby... that would make it feel like life was worth living each day instead of just marking time.
I have tried different volunteer things. I've done a little travel. I've kept in contact with close friends. I still feel very disengaged and separated. Nothing seems to really give me a spark in life. It feels like I used to live life in vivid color. Now it is all faint pastels. It seems what is really bothering me right now is the emptiness of living.
I'm not sure what to try next. I'm not sure if "this" is how the rest of life is going to be. I'm not sure what the point is of even writing about this other than just to give expression to the feelings or lack of them other than emptiness that seems to be where I am living.
If I am still on DS in another year it will be interesting to see if this has changed.
12/142013
Replies
Oh Darlene, I can so relate to what you describe. It was almost 3 years before
I met a guy I was friends with. He was also a widower but we were on different paths in life. I enjoyed socializing with him through. Had dinner dates, went on picnics with our children, and did a great deal of talking. It lasted less than a year, but I truly believe our transition relationship set the stage for the relationship I have with Artie.
We talked about our spouses a lot and we both needed that. There\'s nothing wrong with you. I and many others go through the empty feeling. Make your life good doing things that you enjoy. Look for friends (male or female) for companionship, and keep your standards high. Traveling with friends is a great thing. Even online I kept it casual until I met Art. Sharon