The Echo in my LIfe
It was Saturday and I was working. The next day I had off so I decided to spend part of it with my father and the other part with my husband. I went to a restaurant, picked up some Asian food and took it to my father. By 3' oclock I was back home with my husband and we had a wonderful day. He told me that he'd never been so happy and that he finally had everything he wanted. At ten o'clock he spoke on the phone with his business partner, telling him the same thing.
The next day it was all over. An aneurysm burst leaving him in a coma, two weeks later he lost his battle. So here I am, two years later, reliving the last few days of our life together. My past life, the one I loved so much is over, but there is a lingering echo of that life that is especially strong now. I remember so much of him--the way he looked at me, the way he touched me, the way he laughed whenever we watched our favorite comedies together. But that's over now.
What's life like now? Cold, empty. I live alone with my bird buddy. My precious dog died two months after my husband died. I can't have another dog. What would happen if something happened to me? I am alone, afterall.
People tell me I should remarry, but how do you replace perfection? Because that is what my husband is becoming: Perfect, because at two years I'm starting to forget the arguments and the problems we had. I'm remembering the good times and we had many. So the next man would have to go up against that. Not fair.
So here I am, two years out, just getting by. I'm doing okay.
The next day it was all over. An aneurysm burst leaving him in a coma, two weeks later he lost his battle. So here I am, two years later, reliving the last few days of our life together. My past life, the one I loved so much is over, but there is a lingering echo of that life that is especially strong now. I remember so much of him--the way he looked at me, the way he touched me, the way he laughed whenever we watched our favorite comedies together. But that's over now.
What's life like now? Cold, empty. I live alone with my bird buddy. My precious dog died two months after my husband died. I can't have another dog. What would happen if something happened to me? I am alone, afterall.
People tell me I should remarry, but how do you replace perfection? Because that is what my husband is becoming: Perfect, because at two years I'm starting to forget the arguments and the problems we had. I'm remembering the good times and we had many. So the next man would have to go up against that. Not fair.
So here I am, two years out, just getting by. I'm doing okay.
Replies
Truhal,I am so sorry for your sadness
Truhal,I am so sorry for your sadness and the sad memories of those last few days.I think when we think of those days ,there will always be sadness.I am at 4 years now and I can still remember our last day together so well.
I am at the point now where I am okay,but always feel like I am just drifting along.
Truhal,hold on to all those past good memories,at least we have that,what is that old saying?\"It is better to have been loved then not\",anyway you know what I mean.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Big Hugs Sadie
,
I too remember those last days. But that is only reasonable as those were the last moments of our life together.
You are right with it being unfair to compare. I feel the same. I know everything wasn\'t perfect but it was very close.
((((HUGS))))
Karl
I only have the memory of putting him on the airplane & not coming back. Still those last times are there in our memory banks forever.
So true your thoughts though -
funny a friend & I were just talking about this: we are doing OK but hate being just alone/and ok. BUT would we want someone - yes to dance with, go to a movie with, have dinner with but than we both felt they need to go home - so I guess a nice companion would be the answer - well that ain\'t a gonna happen in our minds. Darn it anwy
I do pray for not doing JUST OK for all of us!
I cope alone with severe disability after my husband\'s death and I so much want to adopt a small dog to love but I, like you, worry about what would happen, as I am so ill so much of the time, to this precious animal with my coping here alone? I just accepted that until life improves there will be no small dog to love and spoil. I have three pet parakeets and even worry about them with no one else here but me to care for them and if I somehow should not be able to - and then I let it go and take life just moment by moment and that is all we can do -- as we so hope for life to improve.
Gentle ((hugs))
:-) Patricia
I understand what you mean. Smokey was the love of my life. We didn\'t have a perfect relationship but it was the best relationship both of us ever had in our lives. We told one another that as well. We knew. Smokey said you don\'t know how deep his love for me was and I felt the same way. There will never ever be another Smokey. I am open but so far there has not been another man like my Smokey. I don\'t think there ever will be for me. Smokey had my heart. I don\'t give that away to just anyone and neither did Smokey. So far my heart is in Smokey\'s hand. He will give it back when I find someone that could equal what we had together. I find that a rare thing. Is it possible to find another soul mate like my Smokey. I don\'t know. I am okay living alone the rest of my life. I think it is the great rarity to find another soul mate in one\'s life time. I had the great love of my life. I could die quite happy knowing that for myself. I understand. From Diane B.