The dreaded holidays...
They are fast approaching....where there is light and happiness and festivities everywhere but near me, those dark clouds following me around...again.. Shouldn't be like this---I DO have a family---a very, very weird one--I have two brothers-in-law and three sisters. I have one daughter (she's normal). We are all very normal looking on the outside...
But we don't get together on holidays. Buy each other gifts? Be festive? Are you kidding me? I tried many years ago to have get-togethers, I thew many parties for my daugther, (none of my 3 sisters have kids) had lots of people over. My sisters would never do anything like that, and, actually, I don't think they liked it when I would invite other people over. My older sister wouldn't even show up at my parties, didn't even send my daugther (her only niece) a gift. My daughter wasn't one of "them". It was like Taboo. Going against the weird family lifestyle. How "dare" I? I was always the "Bad" one since I wasn't like them. None of my sisters had any friends, and, I at least had friends in the past, but over the years everyone went separate ways. My ex husband used to call my family "The Adams Family" and snap his fingers. I knew he was right on that one, even though I didn't like it.
Come to think of it, none of my sisters even give my daughter (their only niece) the time of day. When she was little, she would cry and get really upset over the fact that my older sister didn't like her. I felt SO bad for her, what could I say? All I could say to her was to try to ignore her, that my older sister had mental problems.
I wish I hard a normal family.
My daughter goes to her dad's house on holidays, where she has cousins and a very large family. There's no cousins or kids from my sisters. I don't blame her one bit for going, It's too depressing being with my family.
So what does that mean--that I am all alone on holidays. Every single one. I should be used to this by now. This is how it's always been. I have a family. It shouldn't have to be this way. I'll be hiding out in my apartment on the holidays.
I know I'm not the only one. Thanks for reading. I needed to get this out of my system tonight. I am truly wishing all of you out there a Happy Thanksgiving.
Replies
You are not the only one! This post resonates with me. I really don't even have extended family, I consider myself an orphan. Growing up my mom was very antisocial and isolated my dad and I from a lot of the family, there were also some rifts caused by estate issues etc and really no one cared about lil' ole me, only their own problems. When my dad passed away, only my Aunt was truly there for me, and she has gotten far too involved in her own life to care about us anymore. She reaches out once in a while and always talks about getting together, but never follows through. She said she was going to call me about getting together Thanksgiving weekend, but did not. I have no contact with anyone else in the family, never hear from a single soul, but I know they are out there, it's just that I have been forgotten, not important. My mom and I never had a relationship, so we are estranged, after my dad passed I wasn't able to find a connection with her. So the holidays are pretty rough - one of my friends said my personality is made for a large family, but that just was not to be. I'd hope to marry into a large, close family, but my husband's family is also somewhat disconnected. His dad is great but is remarried so is always busy with his wife's family, and his mom is not social and just says she wants to be alone. His sister is in Colorado and almost never communicates. I do have friends, so that does help. On Thanksgiving I go to a friend's and we feel like family, but on Christmas, we are alone. Holidays are very, very rough and it does help knowing you are not alone being alone!
Hugs Maria, I know how you struggle with this, I have similar feelings about family and certain events on the calendar. Its such a difficult time of year for so many of us. We're lonely people all year round but the holidays certainly heighten the feeling.
I think it's best to separate the two holidays of thanksgiving and Xmas. Deal with them one at a time. So first of all - thanksgiving. Plan your day.
This is how I would do it:
Get up late, have tea/coffee in bed with a book/magazine/news or internet. Plan whether you'll step out for a walk, Food! Treat yourself with some nice things to eat. You could set aside time for a phone call to your daughter or sister. See what's on tv, check the schedule in advance.
Is it worth trying to make an arrangement to see your sister (the one that's not married) even for a few hours? She might be feeling lonely too.
I'll be around on d.s. I can message you in the morning, then you can write back later, let me know how it's going.
I expect there will be others here struggling on that day. So in that respect, you are not alone.
And however terrible you feel, it will all be over in a matter of a couple of days.
Take care sweet lady. Dear friend.
So sorry that you will be spending the holidays alone, it's a shame that you don;t live closer so we could get together.
I am sure that there will be quite a few people here on DS that day but I know it's not the same, :-(
My family has dwindled down trough the years but at least I am never alone...sending lots of hugs
You are not the only one. Hugs.
This is one of those rare situations where I think it would be nice if your ex invited you for the holidays too. I mean you are the mother of his child.
My parents got a divorce before I was born and were very eccentric people, but we still had holidays together. I lived with mom, dad would at least stop by for dinner and watch holiday movies with us.
I have a huge family but never once have any of my aunts or uncles gotten me gifts for my birthday or Christmas. I always figured our family is just too big. They have to get stuff for their kids and grandkids. They don't even send cards.
I'm dreading the holidays too, mostly because I don't like wasting money on people who don't get me anything and ignore my birthday, which is between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Also alot of people I used to be close to died around or after the holidays so I have that to contend with.
Plus I was also raised with religious beliefs that are against Christmas and all the silliness that comes with it.
Glad I don't have kids.
I hope you find something fun to do for the holidays.