The Day After
I awake the day after, for 15 seconds I do not know what this pain is. Then I remember: My Son, I can not say the words...
I awake the next day after, for 15 seconds I start to remember. I can feel this horrible pain that now floods my heart, my soul, my mind: My Son, yet I can not say the words...
Day after day I awake, for 15 seconds I know there is Pain: My Son, yet I still can not say the words....
Day comes, I wish for Night to escape the Pain I feel after I awake...and I still can not say the words.
Days pass, nights pass, each day feel as if it was yesterday or maybe it is tomorrow?....my mind no longer knows. Yet I can not say the words.
My tears continue to fill my eyes, I can feel them dropping off my face, yet I continue to let them flow and Yet. I can not say the words.....
So much sorrow now I feel, the pain is deeper than I have ever known....my Heart feels that I am now Humpy Dumpty, I can not be put back together again....how do I continue this life.....I know nothing will ever be the same. I have changed..I have felt the deepest pain I will ever feel. Why?
When did it happen, when did the words first come from my lips. I can not tell you the date, the time...what I do remember was when those words I could not say, I said:
My Son Died...now I had said the words! I could no longer hide, I could no longer change it. Now that I said the words....My Son Died.....I then had to accept reality...
They say that Studies show that it takes 15 seconds from when we Awake that we know, that the pain that we feel is there to stay. Yet I still can not say the words.
Time passes, yes the pain lessen even though I never thought it possible....but then at times it is as deep as strong and the tears flows as a river and I accept this is now my life....even though in reality it was the night My Son Died....Reality at times is difficult to accept. But Life is Reality and even though I can now say the words My Son Died. The truth is I do not like it any more than before. It is just Life. Thoughts of a Broken Mom
I awake the next day after, for 15 seconds I start to remember. I can feel this horrible pain that now floods my heart, my soul, my mind: My Son, yet I can not say the words...
Day after day I awake, for 15 seconds I know there is Pain: My Son, yet I still can not say the words....
Day comes, I wish for Night to escape the Pain I feel after I awake...and I still can not say the words.
Days pass, nights pass, each day feel as if it was yesterday or maybe it is tomorrow?....my mind no longer knows. Yet I can not say the words.
My tears continue to fill my eyes, I can feel them dropping off my face, yet I continue to let them flow and Yet. I can not say the words.....
So much sorrow now I feel, the pain is deeper than I have ever known....my Heart feels that I am now Humpy Dumpty, I can not be put back together again....how do I continue this life.....I know nothing will ever be the same. I have changed..I have felt the deepest pain I will ever feel. Why?
When did it happen, when did the words first come from my lips. I can not tell you the date, the time...what I do remember was when those words I could not say, I said:
My Son Died...now I had said the words! I could no longer hide, I could no longer change it. Now that I said the words....My Son Died.....I then had to accept reality...
They say that Studies show that it takes 15 seconds from when we Awake that we know, that the pain that we feel is there to stay. Yet I still can not say the words.
Time passes, yes the pain lessen even though I never thought it possible....but then at times it is as deep as strong and the tears flows as a river and I accept this is now my life....even though in reality it was the night My Son Died....Reality at times is difficult to accept. But Life is Reality and even though I can now say the words My Son Died. The truth is I do not like it any more than before. It is just Life. Thoughts of a Broken Mom
Replies
Words none of us ever thought would pass out lips...but Live in our hearts now forever
I know in my heart and in my mind.. but yet.. I still can not say those words.
Your words touched me to my heart. Thank you for sharing with us.
Love and hugs to you and your son!!
Debi
Four years later I cannot say they words died or killed, I refer to that time as Doug\'s accident, or when Doug passed over. Words can cut like a knife once they have real meaning for you. Take care. Sue xo
Nothing will ever be the same. I never did have a problem saying that my Michael died. I have steadfastly refused to say things like my son became an angel, or he passed, or he transitioned, or he left this earth etc..Bottom line: he died. Acceptance has been helpful to me from the beginning....
Oh Sandi, I know exactly what you mean!! Those words cut you, to your very soul. I can not even think about my son Dean, without crying, much less say those three words. Sept. 1st, he will have been gone for two years. Tears flow as I read your journal and I am sure I will cry forever, for my son...
(((HUGS)))....Julia
I also do not refer to my son as an angel. As I do not believe that one becomes an angel. That is only one of two things that is used in this group I can\'t say I like. I have been asked for Ken\'s Angel date to put it on here. Idon\'t as I do not agree with it, but I can understand maybe what other mean by it but for me it does not feel right. Thanks for your comments
From one mother to another I understand what you are describing and SO wish I did not. It is a heartache and heartbreak that no parent ever deserves to have to live with.
Feeling your heart...
Loving care,
Joanie
I was at the therapist Wed. I told her can\'t say my daughter died I say she passed away. She said its because I still can\'t accept it. Eventually I will. .There is no timhe table. It is a heartache and pain that will never go away. But we have to accept it. This is my life now. Learning to live without Jackie. I will be in therapy a long time. I am with you dear sister. XXX OOO