The Darkness that Shines like the Sunlight...

This darkness that shines like the sunlight.... it's always there.... following me no matter where I go.... it suffocates me.... and rips apart my soul fiber by fiber.... it honestly feels like i'm being buried alive.... as I write this I sit in my college class ready to break down and feeling like there is no hope.... the only thing keeping me alive at this point is my girlfriend Karlee.... I can't kill myself cuz all I can think about is how she would feel if I did.... her tears that would follow and her pain.... yet I sit here wishing death would hold me in it's warm embrace.... yet I can't leave Karlee behind so I'm stuck in this endless cycle of fighting for my life.... fighting for a life that doesn't want to live but chooses to because it can't lose the girl who keeps him fighting... it's just so hard.... I wanna cry so bad yet I can't cuz i'm in the middle of my class and I can't just randomly start breaking down.... this is so hard.... I can easily end my life right now and stop this suffering but I'm fighting not to despite the pain.... it hurts so bad.... how is it possible to stay strong through such a pain?....