The dam bursts....but then...
Dear DS diary,
I wish there was a label for entries like this that just said "confused", because that's the one I would use here. What the following led to is...actually, draw your own conclusions. I'll just talk about it.
So, here it is: For months now, I have been wanting to try to find a way to get to the fitness studio where I do some of my training more than once a week. But with business the way it has been, and the prospect of more potentially coming, plus other factors involved as far as me getting the kind of help I need...I finally had to concede that it won't happen.
This does break my heart in a way, because I know, technically speaking, that I won't get the same results if I do two-thirds of my workouts (possibly a higher ratio) alone. There are just some things that I can't do without a spotter.
Another reason why this has bothered me is that I am not very happy with the way I have been taking care of myself recently. Forget the sleep problems I'd been having for a minute. The way I've been working out, it has come to my attention, needs an overhaul. A lot of it has felt like a chore now, and with this essentially being the summer season (I know, the solstice is still a few days off), there will be days when I just can't power walk the way that I want to because it's too hot, humid, or both. I'm getting no help from my parents, as usual, on this: In fact as far as this goes they're hypocrites. They're both overweight, and they have admitted so...but they won't do a damn thing about it. They're setting a bad example because they drag me out to eat every two weeks -- twice as often as I'm comfortable with -- with one of my uncles.
I need to tell you something about this particular uncle: He looks like a beached whale. I've had occasions where I've had to change tables because his immensely fat belly doesn't fit into the seat (I want to use stronger language here, but I have decided it is not worth the time to cuss). All three, either explicitly or implicitly, have given me signals that they've given up on their lives, and I don't want to end up looking like them.
This has caused a lot of stress, and this week it finally reached a point where the dam burst. I finally had a stress episode where it just felt my head was ready to explode, it was so loaded. And I couldn't wait until I got home to unload it, because if I did that there would be extracurricular activity in the toilet.
I had already reached out to one trainer I used to work with, but she is at a conference this week, and I could hear a voice in my heart telling me that I can't rely on just her for help because she is a Beachbody coach and so some of the programs she does could be too much for my needs. So during a bathroom break, I did something that I never thought I'd do: I essentially forced myself to use my mostly-dormant-until-now Facebook account, and reached out to another trainer I used to know, a Samantha Jones who now is a manager at a different studio. I noticed she didn't want pms, so I respected that...but it led to me having a kind of breakdown on her wall, I just felt so sad. I can't even remember what I said, but I know I didn't badmouth the other trainer, instead it was the frustration over my current workout pattern and how I knew I would have to improvise something that came out. Just to be safe, I also mentioned that I missed her, which I honestly did because when I trained with her, she had a terrific gift for ears when I needed them.
A few hours later, I checked my e-mail at home and noticed that a FB notification was there. It was Samantha. She had read the post on my wall, knew it was me, and also must have figured out that I was not making how I felt up. To summarize what happened, what she basically said was this: "Hi David! I miss you too! It's important to have something you like on this, I'll help you!"
She then asked me to think about what I would like to be getting out of my workouts, what I'm considering doing, basically...and told me to take my time about that. I made sure she got a thank you for letting me reach out to her the next morning.
So, after all this, I may as well tell you all that I have an active FB account now. This does not mean that I am leaving DS -- far from it -- it just means there's now more than one place you can find me. YouTube videos that I do from here on out will post there as well. If you want my page, I can give it to you privately. But I will absolutely still be around here, too.
Need to hop for now as I still have 3 Yahoo e-mails to address tonight. Hope everyone is doing okay.
I wish there was a label for entries like this that just said "confused", because that's the one I would use here. What the following led to is...actually, draw your own conclusions. I'll just talk about it.
So, here it is: For months now, I have been wanting to try to find a way to get to the fitness studio where I do some of my training more than once a week. But with business the way it has been, and the prospect of more potentially coming, plus other factors involved as far as me getting the kind of help I need...I finally had to concede that it won't happen.
This does break my heart in a way, because I know, technically speaking, that I won't get the same results if I do two-thirds of my workouts (possibly a higher ratio) alone. There are just some things that I can't do without a spotter.
Another reason why this has bothered me is that I am not very happy with the way I have been taking care of myself recently. Forget the sleep problems I'd been having for a minute. The way I've been working out, it has come to my attention, needs an overhaul. A lot of it has felt like a chore now, and with this essentially being the summer season (I know, the solstice is still a few days off), there will be days when I just can't power walk the way that I want to because it's too hot, humid, or both. I'm getting no help from my parents, as usual, on this: In fact as far as this goes they're hypocrites. They're both overweight, and they have admitted so...but they won't do a damn thing about it. They're setting a bad example because they drag me out to eat every two weeks -- twice as often as I'm comfortable with -- with one of my uncles.
I need to tell you something about this particular uncle: He looks like a beached whale. I've had occasions where I've had to change tables because his immensely fat belly doesn't fit into the seat (I want to use stronger language here, but I have decided it is not worth the time to cuss). All three, either explicitly or implicitly, have given me signals that they've given up on their lives, and I don't want to end up looking like them.
This has caused a lot of stress, and this week it finally reached a point where the dam burst. I finally had a stress episode where it just felt my head was ready to explode, it was so loaded. And I couldn't wait until I got home to unload it, because if I did that there would be extracurricular activity in the toilet.
I had already reached out to one trainer I used to work with, but she is at a conference this week, and I could hear a voice in my heart telling me that I can't rely on just her for help because she is a Beachbody coach and so some of the programs she does could be too much for my needs. So during a bathroom break, I did something that I never thought I'd do: I essentially forced myself to use my mostly-dormant-until-now Facebook account, and reached out to another trainer I used to know, a Samantha Jones who now is a manager at a different studio. I noticed she didn't want pms, so I respected that...but it led to me having a kind of breakdown on her wall, I just felt so sad. I can't even remember what I said, but I know I didn't badmouth the other trainer, instead it was the frustration over my current workout pattern and how I knew I would have to improvise something that came out. Just to be safe, I also mentioned that I missed her, which I honestly did because when I trained with her, she had a terrific gift for ears when I needed them.
A few hours later, I checked my e-mail at home and noticed that a FB notification was there. It was Samantha. She had read the post on my wall, knew it was me, and also must have figured out that I was not making how I felt up. To summarize what happened, what she basically said was this: "Hi David! I miss you too! It's important to have something you like on this, I'll help you!"
She then asked me to think about what I would like to be getting out of my workouts, what I'm considering doing, basically...and told me to take my time about that. I made sure she got a thank you for letting me reach out to her the next morning.
So, after all this, I may as well tell you all that I have an active FB account now. This does not mean that I am leaving DS -- far from it -- it just means there's now more than one place you can find me. YouTube videos that I do from here on out will post there as well. If you want my page, I can give it to you privately. But I will absolutely still be around here, too.
Need to hop for now as I still have 3 Yahoo e-mails to address tonight. Hope everyone is doing okay.
Replies
David, as I read this, it sounds to me like you are \"owning\" the health and well being of your family instead of leaving it to them. I\'m reasonably sure they are aware of their weight issues but don\'t seem to be concerned..
I don\'t know their ages but obviously they are older than you. They make the choice everyday, for themselves, as to how they will take care of their bodies and that is their right, no matter what others think.
You are now an adult, what they do/do not do, hopefully is no longer able to
\"teach\" you how to take care of your own self/body. That may have been the case when you were a child and at their \"mercy\" though.
As far as going out to eat with them, I understand your embarrassment about being with them when going out in public like that. Is there any way you can politely not go twice a month and limit it to just once a month?
I\'m reasonably sure whatever anyone else thinks of their appearance does not reflect back on you.
It sounds like they enjoy having you with them when they do dine out.
You are very diligent in taking care of your own body/health, that\'s a given.
Can you be kind enough to you to give yourself a huge pat on the back for
not following in their footsteps with regard to health?
My spouse looks like he is 9+ mos. pregnant and that\'s no exaggeration, he has health issues the extra weight doesn\'t help. I completely stopped going out to eat with him because of the manner in which he eats his food which is too gross to describe. I\'ve had to learn to let him \"own\" whatever he does with his body but I no longer tolerate many things. I think it\'s easier for me though since it\'s not my parents or any extended family.
Good for you, seeking out your previous trainer and I\'m so glad she responded in such a helpful manner. I think, having 2 rather than one might help you formulate a program that is workable for your own self. These hot/humid days of summer can be downright unbearable for anyone that has to be outdoors in it and doing powerwalking in such weather has the potential of a severe medical crisis. Do you have indoor equipment you could use on days like that? I\'m guessing you do but am asking anyway.
How do you train in the winter?
I don\'t know where you live but in my area
there are days the temps are simply too dangerous to venture forth in for more than getting in/out of a vehicle or store. Then there\'s also the issue of major snowfall and severe icing conditions making it impossible to even drive.
I don\'t know if any of this made sense and I hope you know I am not judging you in any way. I think you\'ve done very well for yourself and I see a young man continuing to be the best person he can be.
Peace be with you.....
My parents used to be very large like this. My father would pack in food like no other. It concerned me, but I got tired of saying things to him because even when I tried to be nice or concerning about it, I could tell it hurt his feelings. When I decided to (with a help of a DR.) switch off my meds and try eating healthy, I began to lose a lot of weight. I never needed to lose any to begin with, but the weight loss inspired my parents to get up and finally do something. Because they also were making it clear before that they had given up. People like to say they have tried everything, but have they really? Both my parents I noticed began to follow my lead and my mom even went vegetarian like I had. My dad still ate meat, but only the proper serving size which is basically the size of a deck of cards ONCE per day. And only lean meats like poultry and fish. Several years later I\'m happy to see they are still at it. None of us work out I might add. I do think working out is important, we are exceptions because we are all really active day by day just by our jobs. But I think what you eat is important to. Not saying go vegetarian, but remember the difference between \"things you can eat\" and \"FOOD\"....Sure you can eat cheese puffs, but is that food? I don\'t know if any of what I said made sense either haha. HUGS
I\'ll respond to both of these, hopefully briefly:
First: It does feel like I am \"owning\" some of the health issues in question, immarcie is correct about that. But I also think that in a way this is a panic response just based on how they look...and frankly, my beached-whale uncle is starting to pay the price for his inaction, his movements are now getting worse by the way (in fact, tonight after he left I took the liberty of saying the fatso is getting what was coming to him). I REALLY want to never ever look like them, and while it\'s hard to believe now, I myself was fat for a time as a kid.
Friend19 is correct too, it wouldn\'t be all about exercise; while that is important -- let\'s not knock that -- diet can and does matter too. I guess that\'s part of the reason why I hate going out to eat: Has anybody seen things on restaurant menus that have actually proven to be healthy? I haven\'t...I love the idea of knocking my visits down to once a month, which I would absolutely be more comfortable with, but I don\'t know how I would logistically do that.
Getting in touch with the trainer in question -- who got a major award at a conference in Vegas this week, by the way -- is absolutely going to help, if for no other reason than encouragement purposes. She plans to do a video for me explaining a concept that\'s giving me trouble hopefully sometime next week (which is kind of her). As for actual workouts, I have options: There is an exercise bike, adjustable weights, an 18-pound body ball, and a stability ball I can access. I also have found out that some fitness instructors have posted entire routines on YouTube, if the wifi booster I ordered for my lappy does its job like I hope it will, that will also help. I also have a walking workout DVD (one of the Jessica Smith ones) on its way.
I\'ll keep you ladies up to date on this.
I look forward to hearing how the training sessions go. I\'m also glad you have options other than outdoor things to stay fit:)
Cutting back on going out to eat with the family will be a delicate thing to do.
I know you don\'t want to hurt anyone\'s feelings. Inasmuch as you do work so much, as well as your fitness program, perhaps you could gently tell them you can only participate once a month due to your schedule? Then, on occasion, go twice in another month every now and then. This is only a suggestion, not meant to tell you how to handle your personal affairs.
Hope your wifi booster does what you\'re hoping it will.
Sounds like you\'re finding ways to accomplish what you want to in safe
ways:):)
Hope your Sunday has been a pleasant one:)