The Cycle of Return

How many times will it come back? Why won't it just disappear? To cause me pain is its goal, to drive me insane is an extra that keeps it going. I have given up on trying to stop it, because it seems to be impossible. I have believed all the words it has told me, and continue to sing them loud. I have done all the things it's made me, and I continue to be fooled. It can leave for a while, but it leaves its mark. When it returns it has another gift for me, more flirts and more demands. This is an endless cycle, and I am an endless tragic figure. If I lay my body in the ground, it can't return again. This choice is one I can make, the other is to let it mess with me again. I have seen people here come and go, some of which have chosen to lay in the ground for peace. What is peace? Is it to not have any problems or to feel at peace in the midst of those problems? Death, as I have been told is not an escape, but it is. Just not the easiest for all those other than the dead. So as I'm considering a choice that may be my final one, I have to think of the very few people who actually care about me. They care about me when I don't have a care for myself. This gets to me, how does one care for another when the other doesn't care for themselves? Why would one care for me while I'm a hopeless, helpless human being? So while I'm feeling a burden, I'm also certain I will fail. I feel as if I know that one day I will lay myself down for good. I don't know when, or how or even my reasoning at the time. But it'll happen. And now my thoughts on making that happen have been more and more. So this cycle might just end soon for me, or I'll fight and the battle continues. The cycle of return. Never setting us free. Maybe one day we can find a cure, one that will help even those who don't want to be cured. Or maybe depression will come more often, as a way of not "overpopulating" but who knows, sometimes I wish life never happened. Life is a mess, humanity is a mess. I'm just speaking crazy to some people, to others might make complete sense.