The cycle - how history can repeat....
Had a good weekend. Watched what I did or said so its never the relaxing weekend I want or need, but at least there weren't any major issues. Last night got a bit off track. I didn't discipline our daughter "just like all the other times". He said he refuses to be the main discipliner as he had this in his last relationship and thats why his other kids don't have nothing to do with him. Well in this situation he will be the main discipliner as he looks after our daughter all day while I go to work. He is with her more than me.
I am not wanting to come home at the end of a long day and start into her because she is winey, or because its the "bewitching hours" where most kids are on their leg of the day. I have a max of 3 hours in which to play, feed, bath, story, and clean up with her. I know what she's going to be like so I'm not going to tell her off too much.
Its like he wants to be top parent with her. Thats what it feels like to me. He said either I start getting at her or if he has to smack her, he's going to smack me too. Great. I don't agree with smacking, I would rather do time out but as he points out "I know nothing about raising a kid" and he has all the experience. Well of course I don't know about raising kids, I've never had any before. And like most first timers, I am learning. And secondly I don't rate his experience very high given his other kids have nothing to do with him by choice. What does that say about his parenting. And also, I don't know what it was like for them growing up, given hubbys short fuse of patience, and his tendency to break out in 'rage'.
He keeps telling me hes on my case for me. Otherwise as soon as my daughter is old enough she will run away because of me. Or she will hate me etc.
Just another situation which adds to my decision of leaving him. If I upset him because I didn't listen or agree with what he says, will he do the same thing to our daughter if she doesn't listen or agree with something later on?
When he gets angry with me, he yells and shouts and cusses at me in front of her telling me he doesnt' want our daughter growing up in disfunctionality. And yet this is what she sees and learns from. When he gets angry, he throws things around. If she is playing with her cup in the highchair and he's told her to stop and she continues, he'll just pick it up and throw it. Bang on the wall, contents splatter but thats ok, he made his point.
I don't want her to think this is normal behaviour, that when you get angry you throw things around. I dont want her to think its ok to treat me like crap (when shes older) because that's what she learned from her daddy.
I can see why his oldest son (approx 30) is the way he is with the little I know of him. His son has an anger tendancey and has been charged with assault on his wife. Where did he learn this from? Not out of a book.
I am not wanting to come home at the end of a long day and start into her because she is winey, or because its the "bewitching hours" where most kids are on their leg of the day. I have a max of 3 hours in which to play, feed, bath, story, and clean up with her. I know what she's going to be like so I'm not going to tell her off too much.
Its like he wants to be top parent with her. Thats what it feels like to me. He said either I start getting at her or if he has to smack her, he's going to smack me too. Great. I don't agree with smacking, I would rather do time out but as he points out "I know nothing about raising a kid" and he has all the experience. Well of course I don't know about raising kids, I've never had any before. And like most first timers, I am learning. And secondly I don't rate his experience very high given his other kids have nothing to do with him by choice. What does that say about his parenting. And also, I don't know what it was like for them growing up, given hubbys short fuse of patience, and his tendency to break out in 'rage'.
He keeps telling me hes on my case for me. Otherwise as soon as my daughter is old enough she will run away because of me. Or she will hate me etc.
Just another situation which adds to my decision of leaving him. If I upset him because I didn't listen or agree with what he says, will he do the same thing to our daughter if she doesn't listen or agree with something later on?
When he gets angry with me, he yells and shouts and cusses at me in front of her telling me he doesnt' want our daughter growing up in disfunctionality. And yet this is what she sees and learns from. When he gets angry, he throws things around. If she is playing with her cup in the highchair and he's told her to stop and she continues, he'll just pick it up and throw it. Bang on the wall, contents splatter but thats ok, he made his point.
I don't want her to think this is normal behaviour, that when you get angry you throw things around. I dont want her to think its ok to treat me like crap (when shes older) because that's what she learned from her daddy.
I can see why his oldest son (approx 30) is the way he is with the little I know of him. His son has an anger tendancey and has been charged with assault on his wife. Where did he learn this from? Not out of a book.
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