The Courage to Be Seen - PTSD

I've been living in the same city for 8 years.  It's the longest time I ever lived anywhere since being a kid. 

I love it here.  The people are friendly, there are many beautiful things to do.  I've rarely had any problems with anyone.  Yet I never hang out here because I've been working so much.

But this past few weeks, (and really since joining D.S.), I have been taking steps to come out of my shell and hang out around other people.

This would seem crazy to many people.  I am well-liked and regarded in my job and I do a lot of community work.  But that isn't exactly relaxing. 

Today I went to Mass.  I am not, nor ever been, a Catholic.  But I felt good being there, more so because I was around other people.

I am recovering from alcoholism and PTSD.  I keep wanting to think that I wasn't that bad, that I wasn't that unhealthy... but maybe I was.  Maybe I've always been this anxiety-riddled mess beneath an exterior of cool collectiveness.

I guess, though, the important fact is that I stepped out of my shell these weeks.  At Mass I saw a distant acquaintance who warmly greeted me.  At other AA meetings around town, I start to see people and they recognize me.  They are nice and friendly.

Right now, I am sitting in a coffee shop.  There are people reading, chitchatting.  A cute couple is playing a game of chess.

Maybe this is the way it should be... the way it has always been.

People just living their lives.

J.P.