the commonality of needing to 'reach out'

I went to work this morning and really pumped myself up prior to focus

with unflagging steadiness to get the new job done. I did it

and was pretty confident that all went ok. I'll do it again tomorrow.

I came home however, after work this morning, and I went about my day

and took a long walk at Gillete Ranch and was feeling kind of heavy

and aimless...almost woozy. When I came home after the walk

I just spent my time doing things, like watching tv, cleaning and napping

and then slowly I started to think about feelings. I was like a stone. I wasn't

so able to interpret my feelings so well - and I didn't know why 

there was seemingly an insatiable pressure building up inside. Well, I kept to my routine

and went to bed... or tried to... I thought about feelings again - how

we may want to reach out to someone and although there may be a perfect

or a wishful way in which we would like to connect - there inevitably will be

those missed or even bristling interactions that can make me not go forward.

Yes, I lose my nerve. I tried to sleep and yet I couldn't the emotional yearning

and pressure built up and up into a woefulness. As a younger man and a lot less

cognizant of these things, I would end up calling my family members who would

take me down from 'high anxiety' and I would be mollified.

I thought to myself tonight that I hadn't been in that place emotionally in a long time

where I wasn't so prepared to be 'on top of' that and put it in its proper place

- and yet it also ocurred to me

that I ought to consider myself in commonality with others here.

I think we all are here on this site needing to connect and reach out to each other

at times in a way that is even just sharing some time or space or pleasure or upset.

I think that's important for me to remember - that part of me may be exacting -

and that source it's like trying to fool me from keeping perspective on the commonality or

mutuality of our common trials. And finding that commonality helps calm me down -

and have a perspective which does not make me feel isolated but that I am in good company.

Anyways, I'm feeling better. Does this ring a bell for anyone?

Have a good night, a sweet slumber and a happy tomorrow!