The coming storms

     I can't explain how I feel tonight. A little anxiety and sadness but other emotions that are confusing. My Mother and I moved in together in 2019 because we both found ourselves splitting from our spouses within a few weeks of each other and didn't really want to live alone. We had a big upheaval in our family when we all discovered my father had been sexually abusing my niece. Mom and I have always been close, so we were able to support each other through some of the hardest months in our lives. I left my husband after 12 years of emotional abuse. I would say sexual abuse too, but abuse and an extreme lack of consideration for your partner are 2 different things. Mom had also suffered emotional abuse by my father as well. I won't go into all the ways he was a violent and just downright mean father and husband. The saddest thing is that Mom and I have always had a strained relationship with my sister. Rebecca has always displayed a complete lack of consideration for our parents and me. Our father, I understood, was because of the sheer volatility of the man. He was prone to violent and angry outburst. It wasn't a good environment that we grew up in. He was manipulative with Mom and the 2 of us so we all felt like we were walking a tightrope. Going through our 20s to now, we’re both in our 50s, has been a hard road. Mostly because dad kept us all questioning each other’s motives. The other thing has been my sister's expectations and excuses. Through all the turmoil, she has expected us to help her whenever she wants something, but never wants to help us if we're in need. I will skip over all the times she's let us down throughout our lives because the specifics aren't important. I get upset at how she treats our Mom though. Mom has done so much for her and asks very little in return.The last few years, there has been another downturn in the relationship between the 3 of us.

     Right after my father went to jail to await his trial, it seemed like we would all be able to rebuild our relationships. There was more time spent together and much more communication, which Mom and I were so happy about. But as time passed and our father was finally sentenced to prison, things started to go bad again. The year leading up to our dad's trial and worrying about the possibility that they wanted to file charges against Mom. Rebecca and my nephew, Aaron, kept telling me to take care of Mom. It hurt that they never asked if I was okay, and they did nothing to help Mom. After the trial, Mom made a trip down to Louisianna to visit Aaron and his family. He kept telling her that she should come live with him. He said he would take her on as a dependent and she wouldn't have to do anything. She is very independent and did not want to move so far away from all the family she has here and her friends that she spends time with. Next, my sister said she might move the west coast for work and wanted to know if she would live with them. This began much back and forth conversations with them trying to get Mom to move in with one of them. The last couple of times Rebecca and Aaron said they wanted to buy her a ticket to Louisiana, she turned them down. She gets migraines when she flies so she told them she wanted to wait until the 2 of us could do a driving trip down. Most recently Rebecca decided she was going to drive down to Aaron’s to attend their oldest daughter’s music program. It was another last-minute decision and Mom said no, she had appointments and some issues she was dealing with. Aaron, angry that she wasn’t coming, called her up and tried to shame her into driving down with Rebecca. He said he wanted to make sure that his mom was safe on the road and wanted her to come. I don’t understand any of this. When are they going to stop making her responsible for the things going on in their life? They expect that Mom, in her mid 70s  should still be taking care of them. When is she going to reach an age where they’re going to decide that it’s time to make things easier for her?!

     Now, when Rebecca talks to Mom, she keeps asking if she’s ok and if something’s wrong. The only thing I can think of is that she’s going to try something dishonest. That she’s going to try pull something about her age and diminished capacity or something along those lines. She really doesn’t think about how her actions are hurting Mom. I feel like she’s trying to punish us because we don’t fall in line and let her direct and control us. I’m so tired and am just ready to live my life without them both trying to take control of Mom’s and my life.