The closer to the end the more I feel
I start to get more and more stressed as things seem to be coming to an end of this latest situation. I have to thank everyone at DailyStrength for their support which helped me get this far. Thank you.
Now that things are going to start moving forward and changing the stress of the unknown and what may happen is starting to build up and become a monster that is going to once more attack me. I am trying to cope but it seems more an more is wanted or asked of me and I still don't know where it all will end.
I hold hope around me like a warm blanket to keep me protected from the unknown out on the cold. Fear of my brother and his growing irrationality as things change and no longer favor him and what he may do and what my mother and father will have to get used to as their lives are moved form where they have been for 30 years makes me start to get all the signs of inability to maintain. I do not want to lose it and break down. They all seem to need me (except my brother who probably wishes I was not here so he could control everything to his own ends) and is asking things of me that I am barely or perhaps unable to do.
I'm going to be spending alot of time just holding myself mentally and keeping my self in check and soem kind of balance till this is over. I am really unsure of how I might react if I don't keep myself in check and no none needs to have me start falling apart in front of them right now. But I also don't wnat to put too much of the responsabilty on myself as I am not sure I can take it. I will help anyone who will give it for whatever help they can provide.
Once this is over I will have to get my head into how it all shakes out and make peace with it. There is only one more day until my mother moves and soon after most likely my father.
Please, who ever reads this send me their prayers and good vibes.
Now that things are going to start moving forward and changing the stress of the unknown and what may happen is starting to build up and become a monster that is going to once more attack me. I am trying to cope but it seems more an more is wanted or asked of me and I still don't know where it all will end.
I hold hope around me like a warm blanket to keep me protected from the unknown out on the cold. Fear of my brother and his growing irrationality as things change and no longer favor him and what he may do and what my mother and father will have to get used to as their lives are moved form where they have been for 30 years makes me start to get all the signs of inability to maintain. I do not want to lose it and break down. They all seem to need me (except my brother who probably wishes I was not here so he could control everything to his own ends) and is asking things of me that I am barely or perhaps unable to do.
I'm going to be spending alot of time just holding myself mentally and keeping my self in check and soem kind of balance till this is over. I am really unsure of how I might react if I don't keep myself in check and no none needs to have me start falling apart in front of them right now. But I also don't wnat to put too much of the responsabilty on myself as I am not sure I can take it. I will help anyone who will give it for whatever help they can provide.
Once this is over I will have to get my head into how it all shakes out and make peace with it. There is only one more day until my mother moves and soon after most likely my father.
Please, who ever reads this send me their prayers and good vibes.
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