the center cannot hold
I don't want to complain - but I just have some thoughts that I want to share.
I am having a hard time with my illness. At times my mind won't stop attacking me,
badgering me or needling me. I have moments of calmness and then once becoming self conscious
it starts up again.
I am learning to just live with it - kind of maturely deal with it - and be as self responsible about it as possible. Outside of work, the way I tend to handle my life is to cross all t's and dot all i's - but there has to be room for some pleasurable times.
I don't have much creativity or energy when it comes to devoting the effort for that. I think I need to learn to push myself though at those very times it can feel like I am just so tired from all of the stoic driving myself forward towards
doing the right responsible things at work and home. Like a driving hammering to do the pleasurable seems counter intuitive. And yet when I am not active, the pressure can really build up. I realize there has to be room for transitions
I just get exasperated by the fight.
Thanks for letting me vent. It helps. As Elyn Saks titled her book, "The Center Cannot Hold", there really is something like that. If I am not fighting I can be so ineffectual and flimsy and vulnerable. Then the illness wakes up and "it" starts again.
Replies
I guess what this is telling me, as one friend suggested, there is the 'pursuit of happiness' - I will try giving myself time for that.
Gentle hug for you sweetie.... I am really sorry that you're struggling..... Do you think that the meds you're on are helping you as they should be??..... a good part of the time?
I think meds a really a big part of helping with symptoms of the illness ... Of course we need other coping skills as well however if the meds aren't doing what they should be I would discuss it with your doctor
Another hug my friend.... I'm really sorry you're going through this.....xo
thanks Jan! I am doing ok. I think I needed to sort through some ideas. I mean, the uncomfortable times have kind of helped me assess and grow. I doing alright now. I think hehe. xoxo