The Butterfly

 I've had a rough few days since the Butterly. Saturday I was really missing my Minnie all day. I don't just miss having a pet. I miss her. I was sitting in front of the garage on a lawn chair watching John grilling our dinner Saturday night and I starting crying about Minnie. About how much I miss her. As I was crying a beautiful big Butterly flew out of nowhere and flew up to my face and then went over my head. I couldn't stop crying. I took it as a sign and so did John. That Minnie is ok somewhere and I need to be ok too.
 
My brother is really struggling right now. I've cried a lot today because of that. I want to be strong enough to help him. I'm his big sister and I feel helpless. He's going through withdrawal from pain meds. Meds he was prescribed by a fucking doctor. My sister n law said she was there when the doctor said they weren't additive. BULLSHIT. I looked up tramadol online at mayo clinic and it says it's additive. I love my brother for flushing then down the toilet and trying but he needs professional help.
 
He's agreed to go see my pdoc and has an appoinemt next week. I almost think he needs rehab. He stops taking the pain meds and his PCP puts him on Benadryl and celexa. He says the celexa is making his anxiety worse. My sister n law says he can't get out of bed. I don't know if he's depressed or not. I just want to help him. He told me he's almost gone to the ER a few times. I'm not sure if that's the answer. I'm scared for him. I know he's suffering and I feel helpless.
My hands and arms keep aching randomly. When it happens it's bad. It's like pins and needles. Jen said I should call my neurologist and it might be my small fiber neuropathy. I need them to stop fucking around and give me the nerve test or EMG or whatever. I hate that I have another weird symtom popping up. I just wan't answers for everybody.