The birthday celebration that will never happen
This morning my mother asked me on the way back from a doctor's appointment if I still wanted my birthday to effectively disappear Sunday.
Unforunately, the pain I feel is too much and I still don't see a thing to celebrate. So I asked for it to disappear and in the process cancelled the family party that had been scheduled for Sunday night.
You can envision the empty table if you want to.
There will be no yummy cake to eat. No candles to blow out. No laughing and giggling. No presents to open. Not even any kind of banner that would otherwise wish me a happy birthday.
There will only be mourning, and perhaps some tears, about what could have been if only I had been able to work my issues. This is quite literally how far I have fallen.
I have felt bad about birthdays before but usually found some kind of way to allow some kind of celebratin to take place. This year, it has quite literally come to this.
Unforunately, the pain I feel is too much and I still don't see a thing to celebrate. So I asked for it to disappear and in the process cancelled the family party that had been scheduled for Sunday night.
You can envision the empty table if you want to.
There will be no yummy cake to eat. No candles to blow out. No laughing and giggling. No presents to open. Not even any kind of banner that would otherwise wish me a happy birthday.
There will only be mourning, and perhaps some tears, about what could have been if only I had been able to work my issues. This is quite literally how far I have fallen.
I have felt bad about birthdays before but usually found some kind of way to allow some kind of celebratin to take place. This year, it has quite literally come to this.
Replies
Oh my friend. I wish I had words to express my sorrow for you.
I can understand how you feel. But please try to find some reason to celebrate.
This may be silly I know. But you are breathing and walking and able to eat and see and hear. I have been in such deep depression for days now. I can understand. But we have too at some point make allowances for all the good there is too. Trust me there is good. Send you a loving hug
Journey, I do hope for you birthday to celebrate no matter if you decide to attend. Please don\'t let this day turn into a nasty piece of weather for your guest; you don\'t have to attend yourself. However, tell others to go on with the celebration as if you were standing there blowing out the candles. The moment can always be recorded and you may watch in the comfort and privacy of your own in-home surroundings. Please come back to your journal and tell us how your day goes.
Forgive me...I forgot to say \"hello\" to you Julie and that\'s sweet advice. I agree that there is always the good of the matter to consider.
Now, lets hope that Journey will share his ideas to our words, Julie.
I will look in on this journal in a few days, Journey. Please enjoy this weekend! And think of this, if the family party for Sunday goes on without you there, then how much more will you know how much these people care for you? Really, they should understand how you feel about avoiding the b-party and still celebrate without you there, and just for the sake of helping you to understand how important you really are to them. When they simply stop something special because you don\'t feel like being bothered, then perhaps they really were not all that excited about the party as well. Never mind that though, this is all a part of human nature and people do what they feel encouraged to do by their own morals and standards, not your fault either. Anyway, I do hope that you change your mind and attend the b-day party. Best to you!
Ambi
The problem is that nothing has changed. The most that will happen is there will be a supply swap with a couple of token things that I need involved, but they won\'t be viewed as presents and there will be no celebration. The next entry will go into just about everything that has gone wrong that contributed to this mess.
Thanks for the reply here, David. And the next journal entry did supply additional info, which helped me see things more clearly. Thank you for this.
Ambi