The arc of a day’s discontent with me
I realize stuff happens in my life, that I bitch and moan about each day. It's maybe like a pattern of 'journey to happiness and then a to fall from grace', persevering forward and then there's steam that builds up. It's weird maybe, my illness takes it all to an extreme ? but I wonder if on some level we each experience this kind of thing and then 'download' at the end of the day? I don't need to belittle my experience nor others' experiences like this. I'm just seeing a pattern with me I am not sure how to reason.
i conducted a confession today that gave me the heeby jeebies to put it mildly.
... but it is my job, and i felt resolved and reinforced.
Very, very lucky. I am.
i also started to think about how we have virtually no more parishioners coming here.
it was instigated by the controversy surrounding the elder and i think it was made worse by his own sense of self importance.
The last abbess had to step down for health reasons but he installed a blind nun as abbess after that. How offputting to the parishioners?! She's a nice lady and capable but the communication disconnect is undeniable and there's a lack of maintenance for and of the relationships we had. The Abbess Emerita was then sent away, another blunder as she was the magnet for the monastery and the community at large.
Also at another point in time, the elder publicly berated the sisters during service for not having a candle lit at his icon.
The elder said to the parishioners 'I would not continue to be with them (the sisters) unless it was for you (the parishioners). I stand with you not with them!'
(after all the work the sisters do too.) A hushed 'ooooh' sense of hurt went amongst the parishioners. We have not. had as big of an attendance since then, which is when the public controversies were starting.
i don't know why I'm mentioning this. I am feeling very comfortable here today but perhaps my outrage comes at the thought now of this place disappearing.
Maybe I'm just tired.
i gotta get to the kitchen to prep the meal. Talk later
Replies
This is your safe place to express your experiences and your feelings freely and without judgement.
Here's to you!
Thanks Mid!
:-) Scratch Blue's back and listen to her pur......Everything will be ok! :-)
I am glad you're feeling comfortable......
Thanks Bob!!:-) xx
I’m in my room waiting for the vigil tonight at 9 PM. After a full day, I have a lot of anticipation about the next thing I need to do, the next place I need to be. I’m trying to shift gears and just appreciate the moment of rest here in my room. The radio is on, I’m allowing myself to think that I would really love to meet friends for dinner. I just think I need to relax and just live. I hope you guys are having a good night however you are spending it. With loved ones or with work or play. I certainly have chosen an odd profession. Or it seems to have chosen me. I’m just very lucky to be where I am and well taken care of. As you get older life seems so complex and yet so simple in some ways. Have a great night and a good weekend ahead. Peace out, keep on keeping on :-)
"the arc of discontent."
again, the imagery boggles my senses as i review tidbits i have gathered in my own practice of acceptance and awareness as learned through psychotherapy channels. hmmmmmm. . . high fiber chew food. thank you.
in my 70 year old version of the simple complexities of life, the simplicity lives in believing i don't have much control over any of those complexities. i'm not here to run the show. i'm simply grateful for the opportunity to participate another day.
pass the popcorn. . .
thanks arfie!!