the anger, frustration and the darkness
i talked to my therapist yesterday and when we talked about things, one thing she said
really resonated with me. When I had told her about some auditory hallucinations
she said back "How do you make sense of these things when you experience them?"
I had usually just tried to shush myself when that happened not really thinking of wondering so much
what to make sense of them - I thought perhaps I was alone or lonely - but the way she asked that
question really provoked/inspired me to ask myself that question..to step back so to speak
and ask myself the question "OK what's going on when this kind of thing happens?"
To me it really was a good question. I thought about it while at work - and then thought
about it again while I drove home. That whole process of giving thought to my experience
in this way has me reconizing that I am really frustrated at times with my mental health struggles...
and also quite angry that it seems to separate me from people...There's a darkness within me that builds
up - but perhaps to step back and ask myself "OK what's going on when this happens...?" and then
my addition "what do you want to do about it?" - The conversation just helped me a lot.
The darkness is unpleasant - but maybe I can step back now - and recognize and use that energy to do something productive.
Sending peace and good mojo!
Mark
Replies
Here's to finding what works in the moment and also in writing it out. Awesome work!
Thanks Mid!
My auditory hallucinations are well represented in the discussion on whether my intermittent and still unexplained hearing losses are psychosomatic. I think it entirely possible I "disconnect" my hearing in hopes of shutting out the auditory hallucinations. I all too often credit real people for saying things they did not say.
But at the end of the day, I only get to let that mystery be and ply therapy tools when I can't let the mystery be. Sigh. . .
Big hug Marky..... I am so sorry that you struggle with this dark place... I know that your doctor doesn't seem to want to tweak or change your meds
That's what I have seen help with this years ago when I was working..... I'm so glad that the therapy session helped.... xo
What a good therapist you have. She really gave you something good to think about that may be able to help you when you are in the "dark place". Sorry you have to experience that. I had some auditory hallucinations years ago, but the antipsychotic I was put on took care of the problem. I'm bipolar and I know you have to deal with stuff that's even more hard than I do.
Thanks guys!